Description: I'm not sure what made me write this. I just started writing one night and didn't stop for a long time. I do not think that this is anywhere near my best, but I like the ending. :)
Please comment.
Extricate and Unshackle -------------------------------------------
The world is a giant room
Holding you
Locked prisoner
Sealed away tightly
From things that could hurt you
You bind yourself with your own mind
Break the restraints that contain you
Free yourself
Pick up the chalk
Draw two halves
And step through the whole.
I wasn't quite contented with the logical argument, after finishing the poem. Why is that a criticism? For quite often in poetry, being logical is absolutely not the point!
After thinking about it, I reckon that some more distinct opposite (antithesis) against 'a giant room' might help the implied passion come through. 'Sealed away tightly' is roughly the place for that. I got a faint image of somebody curled up in a terrified ball ... inside a self-created imaginary compressed ball .... but I could easily have missed it because the words you used are so reasonable!
"A giant room" is remarkably evocative - making me feel it - for a metaphor in two words! But the 'sealed away' antithesis maybe needs to match that impact? With stronger words meaning "sealed away" ?
I really like the end too. and the rest of the poem.
I agree with previous, that you can't expand it. and I love the wordplay at the end.
i can relate to the world as one huge prison, being trapped in vast space.
gives me a sort of claustrophobic feeling.
like it
Wow, this is very well-written and it was a little subtle at first but after reading it over a little I got some powerful images. I think that this means how people when faced wit pain they try to block it and how it can be a very effective way to escape the pain or other s.hit that's happening to them. I love the ending, it is very powerful and a good play on words. It seems to talk about how the hole is an escape from the pain and s.hit. Even though this was kinda short, i dont really see how you can expand. You wrote and very powerful piece using a few lines and it worked very good. Nice job.
Submission Name: Extricate and Unshackle
