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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Extricate and Unshackledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    19/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 592/582/135
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 1160
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326



    Description:
       I'm not sure what made me write this. I just started writing one night and didn't stop for a long time. I do not think that this is anywhere near my best, but I like the ending. :)
    Please comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExtricate and Unshackledots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world is a giant room
    Holding you
    Locked prisoner
    Sealed away tightly
    From things that could hurt you
    You bind yourself with your own mind
    Break the restraints that contain you
    Free yourself
    Pick up the chalk
    Draw two halves
    And step through the whole.




    Submitted on 2006-03-24 19:26:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I wasn't quite contented with the logical argument, after finishing the poem. Why is that a criticism? For quite often in poetry, being logical is absolutely not the point!

    After thinking about it, I reckon that some more distinct opposite (antithesis) against 'a giant room' might help the implied passion come through. 'Sealed away tightly' is roughly the place for that. I got a faint image of somebody curled up in a terrified ball ... inside a self-created imaginary compressed ball .... but I could easily have missed it because the words you used are so reasonable!

    "A giant room" is remarkably evocative - making me feel it - for a metaphor in two words! But the 'sealed away' antithesis maybe needs to match that impact? With stronger words meaning "sealed away" ?
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the end too. and the rest of the poem.
    I agree with previous, that you can't expand it. and I love the wordplay at the end.
    i can relate to the world as one huge prison, being trapped in vast space.
    gives me a sort of claustrophobic feeling.
    like it
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is very well-written and it was a little subtle at first but after reading it over a little I got some powerful images. I think that this means how people when faced wit pain they try to block it and how it can be a very effective way to escape the pain or other s.hit that's happening to them. I love the ending, it is very powerful and a good play on words. It seems to talk about how the hole is an escape from the pain and s.hit. Even though this was kinda short, i dont really see how you can expand. You wrote and very powerful piece using a few lines and it worked very good. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]


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