The most unnatural ship by RedRoseofBlood

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Submission Name: The most unnatural ship dots

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Author:	RedRoseofBlood
ASL Info:	17/f/outsideyourwindow
Elite Ratio:	3.33 - 590/581/134
Words:	87

Class/Type:	Poetry/Lostfriend
Total Views:	276
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	523

Description:

The most unnatural ship dots

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Your death was in no way conventional
Not the least expected
Even though your ship sank abruptly
I did enjoy the time that it was docked in my shore
So beautifully crafted
But I will also remember the day I went to see you last
Several things broken and battered amonst the waves of life
You weren't in any condition to be seen
Still it is seared in my mind
nothing like I would have wanted to be our last meeting or memory
A most unnatural picture

Submitted on 2006-03-24 19:30:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I got confused between two meanings: (1) somebody really died, or else (2) you ended a love relationship or the like.

In either case, the ship and the shore is a great figure to present the story with!

A poem being ambiguous is not a problem, for me. But if you didn't mean it to be ambiguous, you could have either of 2 reactions to my comment here: "Great!" or "must clarify."

I always get a buzz out of hearing that a reader has found a meaning that I never meant! It's surprising how such extra meanings make sense ... not like when the reader misses the point completely. I think this is something mysterious about poetry!
| Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  I disagree with colten. It was honest and true to your feelings. You needed an outlet and used poetry, a very good choice indeed. It wasn't a masterpiece, but we felt your emotion, put ourselves in your shoes.
| Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
  I disagree with colten. It was honest and true to your feelings. You needed an outlet and used poetry, a very good choice indeed. It wasn't a masterpiece, but we felt your emotion, put ourselves in your shoes.
| Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
  Unnusual indeed. I found the poem to be moderate. I am not saying that it was bad, in fact I thought it was pretty good.
I just seems that so much more could have been said. However, the last line was a good tie in. Brought slight empathy.

In honest reply, Colten
| Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Colten | [ Reply to This ]

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