Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tattered Tissuesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    19/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 592/582/135
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 983
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       Just a mundane feeling. C:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTattered Tissuesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I could give you whatever you desired
    Would you finally be happy?
    If I could show you how I feel
    Could you be happy?
    I can't make up for the things that you need
    Things that you couldn't attain from other relationships
    All I can do is give you my best
    But you are too clueless to know how much
    How much I care
    How much I love you
    I sit and cry at the most irrelevant things
    That remind me of you
    Why haven't you called?
    Was every effort in vain?
    Tattered, wet tissues
    Piled at my feet
    Tiny toes stare back at me
    Amongst the white Kleenex




    Submitted on 2006-03-24 19:35:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The feeling expressed in this is something I can relate to. It gets right to the point. Not a lot of imagary but the feeling stated is very clear.
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem could be improved by simply taking out the first person and change "I" to "She". Sometimes the reader loses the poetic tone of poems written in first person, especially in one as personal and direct as this. Therefor my only suggestion would be to take away the first person to allow the reader to imagine this girl in their minds, it creates a better tone for the piece.

    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    96303

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry