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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tattered Tissuesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    17/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 590/581/134
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 248
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       Just a mundane feeling. C:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTattered Tissuesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I could give you whatever you desired
    Would you finally be happy?
    If I could show you how I feel
    Could you be happy?
    I can't make up for the things that you need
    Things that you couldn't attain from other relationships
    All I can do is give you my best
    But you are too clueless to know how much
    How much I care
    How much I love you
    I sit and cry at the most irrelevant things
    That remind me of you
    Why haven't you called?
    Was every effort in vain?
    Tattered, wet tissues
    Piled at my feet
    Tiny toes stare back at me
    Amongst the white Kleenex




    Submitted on 2006-03-24 19:35:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The feeling expressed in this is something I can relate to. It gets right to the point. Not a lot of imagary but the feeling stated is very clear.
    | Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem could be improved by simply taking out the first person and change "I" to "She". Sometimes the reader loses the poetic tone of poems written in first person, especially in one as personal and direct as this. Therefor my only suggestion would be to take away the first person to allow the reader to imagine this girl in their minds, it creates a better tone for the piece.

    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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