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    dots Submission Name: Cup of Nightdots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 533

       mystic poem - seven syllables per line

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCup of Nightdots

    The beloved comes again
    and startles my alertness.

    The night is a steamy cup
    She is the frothy warm cream
    poured to lighten a dark
    mind and smooth out bitterness,
    fingers crystallized, sweet and
    melting in the mixing heat.

    I sip slowly to prolong
    the pleasure of a presence
    as I open every
    orifice of my soul self
    to the near boiling brew of
    love's heated stimulation.

    Submitted on 2006-03-25 06:30:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      oops there isn't much that hasn't been said Chrys, this one is sensual and dreamy, and very open in a classic way

    The night is a steamy cup
    She is the frothy warm cream
    poured to lighten a dark
    mind and smooth out bitterness,
    fingers crystallized, sweet and
    melting in the mixing heat.

    she is just the cup I need tonight to calm out- per our conversation this evening, you are a wonderful lady. I am finding balance in the steamy essence of night.



    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree. This IS original. A bit absract, yet perceivable. It reads (to me) as a night filled with lover's passion. ..and if not.. then I'd still like to read it that way.. it takes me to a place where love and passion meet. Think I'll stay there awhile.. as I soak this in again

    Nice work, Chrystine, very nice.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
    I felt so much while reading this - a very spiritual feel to it; and yet a very sensual feel. Images of a godess warming my soul - the night being her and how soothing she could make me feel...
    Your form was well done as it didn't interfere with how this read - I got a real feel on this one, thanks
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow i like this piece, never thought of the adding cream to make a darker light... i really liked that part of this poem, it made my busy mind think even more. There was no real flow to this but it works without a steady flow. You did very nicely on this pice and i enjoyed. Very different and unique from all the rest of the work i typically read on this site. I hope to hear from you soon, and please excuse any typos for i am in a hurry today. amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is truely beautiful peice. Good, short poetry is rare. Most of the good peices that I've seen of late are longer, but this one does very well for itself. You paint a wonderful picture in the mind's eye of everyone. I've never thought of night like a Drink. It worked better than I thought it would from the title. Short, but not too short, evoking strange and new thoughts. Well done indeed.
    Wishing for more
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
    This is really beautiful
    To me you are speaking of heat as Love and what is the best source of heat
    None other then the Sun and the SON brings much heat
    I Loved this
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The night is a steamy cup
    She is the frothy warm cream
    poured to lighten a dark
    mind and smooth out bitterness,
    fingers crystallized, sweet and
    melting in the mixing heat.

    i love these lines and could feel the warmth, like a hot cup of coffee with cream, sweet and light... it did make me think of the Holy Grail, actually. or "Jesus's Juice Glass.."

    this is so sensual.. the only thing that didn't sit too well was the use of the word "orifice." i don't know, it just hit me wrong, and i'm not sure why, although i know what you are trying to say. (there are only 6 syllables on that line, by the way.. not that i care about form, but you mentioned it was to be 7 syllables. i always find form poems to be challenging, and you've done a great job with this one.)

    when you mention the startling of your alertness, it makes me think of a drug.

    me likey, a lot!
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this was definatly your own....loved the emotion. the second stanza was the best part in my opinion....hm....7 lines, we're doing a bit of that in my english with the whole limerick thing....it's a bit harder with a limit. very nice write overall.
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very unique piece I like. Seven syllables per lines... very interesting sounds a a bit challenging. Is there any particular line limit or are you free to write as much lines as you desire as long as you have seven syllables in each lines.

    Anyways, the poem had some nice imagery and the flow was good. Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really original. I loved it. The second stanza really struck me. The only thing I would change would be the second line. It seemed to throw me off a little. I would try something like
    "sudden presence startles me" or something to that effect. I don't know, though, this is a lot better than something I would write so I'm not going to try to criticize it too much. Very good writte.
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      You challenge yourself brilliantly. This is awesome, with the coffee-creame-sugar-fingers imagery. I really liked this the first read through, and analyzed the love inside it, and I think it's up to the reader to decide whether it's lust or only a deep comfort in ze creamy metaphor. S'all I got, have a nice day... and Peace.-rue
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm speechless Chrystine! This was fantastic! I loved the flow and the set meter of 7 syllables. The wording and imagery....just beautiful. I could see all of it clear as day in my mind. That's true and good poetry. Shoot, I want to try using only 7 syllables now. lol. You just inspired me dear to write a new poem! Thank you for that. This was one of the best writes I've seen from you, and I love your work. Wow! Okay. normally I give my point of view, so here it is. I think you are saying the effects of night time is what sweetends and brightends a bitter and bleak day for you. nice way to show how you unwind. I just loved this!

    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This was just as warming as that hot cocoa!
    You been drinking hot cocoa again?

    I enjoyed this one Chrystine. To me it was as if one was laying there...falling into the everloving arms of a good nights sleep.
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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