I agree. This IS original. A bit absract, yet perceivable. It reads (to me) as a night filled with lover's passion. ..and if not.. then I'd still like to read it that way.. it takes me to a place where love and passion meet. Think I'll stay there awhile.. as I soak this in again
Chrystine I felt so much while reading this - a very spiritual feel to it; and yet a very sensual feel. Images of a godess warming my soul - the night being her and how soothing she could make me feel... Your form was well done as it didn't interfere with how this read - I got a real feel on this one, thanks Lisa
Wow i like this piece, never thought of the adding cream to make a darker light... i really liked that part of this poem, it made my busy mind think even more. There was no real flow to this but it works without a steady flow. You did very nicely on this pice and i enjoyed. Very different and unique from all the rest of the work i typically read on this site. I hope to hear from you soon, and please excuse any typos for i am in a hurry today. amber
This is truely beautiful peice. Good, short poetry is rare. Most of the good peices that I've seen of late are longer, but this one does very well for itself. You paint a wonderful picture in the mind's eye of everyone. I've never thought of night like a Drink. It worked better than I thought it would from the title. Short, but not too short, evoking strange and new thoughts. Well done indeed. Wishing for more ~Brian
The night is a steamy cup She is the frothy warm cream poured to lighten a dark mind and smooth out bitterness, fingers crystallized, sweet and melting in the mixing heat.
i love these lines and could feel the warmth, like a hot cup of coffee with cream, sweet and light... it did make me think of the Holy Grail, actually. or "Jesus's Juice Glass.."
this is so sensual.. the only thing that didn't sit too well was the use of the word "orifice." i don't know, it just hit me wrong, and i'm not sure why, although i know what you are trying to say. (there are only 6 syllables on that line, by the way.. not that i care about form, but you mentioned it was to be 7 syllables. i always find form poems to be challenging, and you've done a great job with this one.)
when you mention the startling of your alertness, it makes me think of a drug.
this was definatly your own....loved the emotion. the second stanza was the best part in my opinion....hm....7 lines, we're doing a bit of that in my english with the whole limerick thing....it's a bit harder with a limit. very nice write overall. peace
This is a very unique piece I like. Seven syllables per lines... very interesting sounds a a bit challenging. Is there any particular line limit or are you free to write as much lines as you desire as long as you have seven syllables in each lines.
Anyways, the poem had some nice imagery and the flow was good. Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.
This was really original. I loved it. The second stanza really struck me. The only thing I would change would be the second line. It seemed to throw me off a little. I would try something like "sudden presence startles me" or something to that effect. I don't know, though, this is a lot better than something I would write so I'm not going to try to criticize it too much. Very good writte.
You challenge yourself brilliantly. This is awesome, with the coffee-creame-sugar-fingers imagery. I really liked this the first read through, and analyzed the love inside it, and I think it's up to the reader to decide whether it's lust or only a deep comfort in ze creamy metaphor. S'all I got, have a nice day... and Peace.-rue
I'm speechless Chrystine! This was fantastic! I loved the flow and the set meter of 7 syllables. The wording and imagery....just beautiful. I could see all of it clear as day in my mind. That's true and good poetry. Shoot, I want to try using only 7 syllables now. lol. You just inspired me dear to write a new poem! Thank you for that. This was one of the best writes I've seen from you, and I love your work. Wow! Okay. normally I give my point of view, so here it is. I think you are saying the effects of night time is what sweetends and brightends a bitter and bleak day for you. nice way to show how you unwind. I just loved this!