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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Hills of Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1319
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 771



    Description:
       I was actually working on another piece when this one kind of hit me between the eyes,it sort of painted a picture within my minds eye,which is why I said it hit me between the eyes ha
    adnil


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Hills of Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Within the azure-green hills
    Lie's this heart of mine
    Through the world I've roamed
    Yet the hills to me are still home
    Where the pines kiss the sky
    As the eagles and hawks fly
    In the early morning dew
    One could see a deer or two
    Grazing on the tender grass
    While the dew sparkles as if glass
    And in the evening as fog rolls in
    Enfolding the hills within
    Its majestic mystic shroud
    A whisper could be heard aloud
    Warmness creeps into the soul
    For the character of the hills never lets go
    It forever instills within the mind
    Its picture of beauty for all time
    No matter how far one may roam
    These hills will always be home




    Submitted on 2006-03-25 23:54:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You've painted us a picture with words and I feel privileged to see your home. If more of us appreciated the beauty that surrounds us, we'd be happier people. You must write us more poems about the lovely hills! The part of Michigan where I live is very flat and I truly enjoy visiting other parts of the country with hills and mountains and forests. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Linda,
    I just had a moment like this recently, when I looked around and said {"ya know what, there is nowhere I would rather be but right here"
    Your description was great
    I think my favorate part is:

    "Warmness creeps into the soul
    For the character of the hills never lets go
    It forever instills within the mind
    Its picture of beauty for all time
    No matter how far one may roam
    These hills will always be home"

    It really drives home the point.
    Nice write!!
    Will
    | Posted on 2007-01-18 00:00:00 | by Twice | [ Reply to This ]
      Although I am not quite the fan of rhymes, you manage them well and so I can't complain. I don't like it when there is unconsistency in the pattern. In some parts of your poem, the lines were not rhyming. I would fix that. Your poem made me picture a very beautiful home and the use of imagery made this a brilliant write. You used very descriptive words and I liked that

    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, I was just writing about my own little corner of the earth the other day.. but I think you did a much finer job with this one.

    "While the dew sparkles as if glass" - it really does doesn't it? I've never thought of it like that before.

    I think I would omit "to me" in line 3. "Yet the hills are still home"

    and, in line 11 .. Maybe..> And as the evening fog rolls in" would read better? (Just my thoughts)..

    This is a very nice and enjoyable read.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Linda. What a lovely write this is. Imagery, wording and flow is flawless. Very descriptive and you painted a beautiful picture with your words.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda
    Once again your write has lifted my mind back to a memory of long ago
    I had forgotten all about this memory Linda and you with your creative and beautiful words drew me write back to a first grade field trip with my Grandmother(mema) as my guide
    Thank You
    Linda
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of home. Of course, I was born and raised in them thar hills, so it was easy to relate and every image you described just made my smile grow thinking of those mountains. Yuppers.

    Thanks for the reminder Linda!
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I take it you live in the heart of the mountains?
    Anyway, this write kind of sets the scene of a peaceful day, watching wild animals, feeling content just to be able to call this graceful place home.
    Great write!!!
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This was just wonderful. I loved this. It made me think of the town I live in now. Your words had me there in the hills with you. The imagery was great. And the flow was good. I liked the rhyming. Some lines seemed forced, but that did not ruin this poem, nor does it need to be edited in any way. Peaceful and serene. Great job!

    Trina
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very nice poem. You have captured some wonderful imagery with this write. This place sounds absolutely beautiful and it is very understandable how this place you call home holds a very special place in your heart. Being surrounded by nature is wonderful. I live in a wooded area and I have lots of wildlife around. I feed a family of deer everyday in my yard. They are truly beautiful animals. This poem has a good flow and your rhyme here is well done. A very lovely write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this and the imagery was very good, but you seemed to be straining for the rhyme scheme, and a couple of lines did not rhyme. I might have loosened my grip on rhyme and it think it would have had a smoother flow. Loved the hills, though. I can't imagine living anywhere that is not green.
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Ok...I have just one suggestion, that being on the very last line in the poem:
    You said"
    No matter how far one may roam
    These hills will always be home
    I really think it would sound better if it said:
    No matter how far one may roam
    These hills will always be (my) home
    Just one word but it changes the flow in my opinion for whatever that's worth...
    This is really a lovely poem and basically describes where I live here in the Ozarks. I found it to be a very enjoyable read and I think I will vote it pretty cool and make it a favorite of mine. I think the title fits the poem perfectly and and when you talk about the deer and the fog rolling in it says home to me. We get our fog in the mornings 'cause we live on the creek,but, I can look out my front window and see it or better yet drive to the top ove the mountain and look back down on it and it look like a huge blanket of cotton down below. You can tell exactly how the creek runs because of the fog will be right over the creek. Needless to say I enjoy this one a lot!



    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this Linda, your rhythm, rhyme and flow were very good.

    You use of imagery was very good it was almost as if I could see the actual place as I read this and your words painted a picture before my eyes. I love the fact that you can relate to this, well at less if you experienced a move or whatever.

    Sometimes no matter where you go or how far you journey, if that place where you go ain't home it will never be home. You will always feel that longing feeling in your heart, almost as if your incomplete.

    But sometimes if your real lucky and real determine, you can make home anywhere the heart is.

    Anyways I really like this Linda, keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day. Your friend Jason.
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      it paints a picture, but i dont really get it. i dunno, ive never gotten poems that arent angst poems. but its a really pretty picture that it paints. so i gotta say thank you for that
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by maybe_tommorow | [ Reply to This ]
      wow nice, makes me miss my home. marvoullis job painting out the seen, i could see it myself. your right no matter how far u go theres always your home(i miss mine, i hate this dessert i live in)
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Gop | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the thoughts and emotion behind this one. Way too often, we get to racing so fast, that we forget where we've come from.

    I'm not the world's biggest fan of rhyme, but in general, you have it working well here. I think it's key though to get the rhymes off to a good start. I think I would rework the forst two lines to get the rhyme perfect from the beginning.

    In the second line, you don't need the apostrophe in lies.

    The line For the character of the hills never lets go breaks the rhyme and more importantly the meter. Perhaps:
    "The strength of this enchanted knoll"

    Hope this helps,



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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