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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Alicedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 329/334/138
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1665



    Description:
       This is for my Alice.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Alicedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She hides in the back room, playing away,
    waiting for someone to save the day,
    all she needs is to save herself,
    and still she hides away.

    She frolics alone in her made up land,
    of wind and rain and fire and sand,
    I'll need a map to find her there,
    in her made up land.

    My Alice, My Alice, I need to find you now
    My Alice, My Alice, where have you gone to now?
    My Alice, My Alice, through the looking glass,
    Almost out of the Rabbit hole at last...

    You are my paradox, a grin without a cat,
    Like Raven's writing desk, notes are very flat.
    so hide away, in that wonderland of yours,
    Like a grin without a cat.

    Find a place for me, in that magical, mystical place,
    and we'll go along together, gone without a trace.
    No one will find us, no one will care,
    in that magical mystical place.

    My Alice, My Alice, I need to find you now,
    My Alice, My Alice, where have you gone to now?
    My Alice, My Alice, through the looking glass,
    Almost out of the Rabbit hole at last....

    Like a dream come true, we Find ourselves,
    sitting in the toppest shelves,
    as the queen screams "Off with their heads"
    We finally stop dreaming.

    My Alice, My Alice, I've Finally Found you now,
    My Alice, My Alice, I've seen where you've gone to now,
    My Alice, My Alice, through the looking glass,
    Back in the Rabbit hole at last...

    And we're never coming out.




    Submitted on 2006-03-26 01:32:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel almost like part of a harem, commenting after so many other girls. ^_^
    Well, I made this a favorite, so I have to comment, don't I.
    The entire feel of the poem is appealing, at least to my mind. It's a relatively simple concept to follow, with a creative twist. It reminded me of me, a wee tiny bit.
    At any rate, I quite liked it.

    ~Birdie~
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by MaeBirdie | [ Reply to This ]
      Brian,

    Enjoyed this one. It brought back memories of Alice in Wonderland and the famous scene of falling down the rabbit hole.

    A thought crossed my mind, when I first started reading this , that this song could be read differently:
    I could see a young girl who lives in a make-believe world.... because thats all she has... and this song is written by someone to whom she is very dear...

    Nice work.

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW!

    I like this a lot. The images are real, the flow pulls the reader through in a smooth fashion. The repetitions add just the right touch to maintain a fantasy / story book feel.

    Nice work

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      The entire feel and flow of this piece worked out very well, everything went so smoothly. The only line i was iffy about was the very last one, it just didn't seem needed.

    anyways this piece is making me want to go sit back with a Doobie, some pals and watch alice in wonderland... hmm it is saturday so i think i will, thanks for the write and something to do tonight! Talk to you soon and have a wonderful day! Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this write is very cool! Bringing in Alice in wonderland. Thought this was very original.
    I did not see they were lyrics and when I read it I thought: I think you could make a song out of this. But now i've seen they were meant to be lyrics. I guess it would be a cool song.
    I think the first two stanza's were really the best, and the rest is also good.

    Darth Zeus
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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