Emptiness by wordsofmind

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Submission Name: Emptiness dots

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Author:	wordsofmind
ASL Info:	18/F/Quebec, Canada
Elite Ratio:	5.44 - 178/180/57
Words:	58

Class/Type:	Poetry/Death
Total Views:	255
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	407

Description:
I lost someone very dear to me this year. My grandfather, who always believed in me despite everything, who gave me so much courage, perseverence, wisdom just by uttering simplest of words, but which had much significance to me. And now he is gone. May he rest in peace.

Emptiness dots

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Empty is the sentiment for spring,
For its verdant beauty,
For its melodic croons,
For its luminous light,
And its placid wind.

Absent is the joy of life.
Gone are the dreams, oh,
Those dreams once contrived!
The motivation to do,
The persistence to go
No more!
No more.
No more...

For you are gone.

Submitted on 2006-03-26 15:00:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
The description interested me because of the loss you have and i really feel that emptiness that you feel. I wrote a piece dedicated to my grandma, although she died when i was really young. Still, my impression of her isn't empty for she had brought so much into my life and i have so many of her characteristics that a part of her still lives in me.

I am sure your grandfather didn't want you to feel this way. He wants to be remembered for all the good times and most likely hopes that you will continue to bring him pride. Your gloom doesn't show much of what he has left off for you which makes that sad. It is sad and yes it is hard to face but you have to remember all he has thought you which will give you the courage to see life in a new light.

In terms of the poem, I think that it could have been longer. You have a sad yet beautiful words there and more expression should be placed. Don't limit yourself here. It seems like you are holding so many things back.

Still i enjoyed reading it very much. Do take care....
Irina
| Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
I like the beutiful words you used, they are very expressive. It adds a touch of sorrow that is hard to find. comparing the lost Grandfather to that of the weather is good and keeps the writing interesting, could be abit longer, but a pretty good poem overall. Your loss is hard to take, take care.
| Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Auron119 | [ Reply to This ]

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