[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: In The Parkdots

    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 833
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1319

       This was a poem I wrote when my ex-boyfriend of 2 weeks had started going out with my best friend. I wanted to kill them. Can't tell, can you?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn The Parkdots

    Velvet agony courses through me.
    Eternal sadness pierces my desolate soul.
    Realizing I've truly lost everything.
    My world is turning dull.

    Hatred delves deep into my heart.
    Never to surface again.
    Death is my only thought.
    Refusing to commit to this dastardly sin.

    My blade is gleaming,
    Echoing the stars of night.
    I sheath it quietly,
    Waiting 'til the time is right.

    Skulking through the shadows,
    Dressed in satin black.
    I've gone this far,
    There's no way i'm turning back.

    Finding my victim,
    Sitting with his precious girl.
    I unsheath a dagger,
    And give it an experimental whirl.

    His arm around her shoulders,
    My thoughts are in turmoil.
    He kisses her with relish,
    My blood begins to boil.

    I run away swiftly.
    Back the way I came.
    Doing unto them what they did to me.
    With murder, there's too much shame.

    I disappear into the sky,
    Melding with a cloud.
    Never again, I tell you,
    Will I throw off this demonic shroud.

    'Tis very deadly if you ask me.

    Submitted on 2006-03-26 20:58:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow i liked this piece alot, I liked the concept and the idea, how you wrote it, and how it flowed well,.

    "His arm around her shoulders,
    My thoughts are in turmoil.
    He kisses her with relish,
    My blood begins to boil"

    I especially liked these lines,, they really illustrates the state of europhia and regrets and the rush,, this is a great poem i really liked it,.

    We be in touch keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wavelength written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]