Valediction: On Time and Love by HansRik

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Submission Name: Valediction: On Time and Love dots

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Author:	HansRik
ASL Info:	19/male/United Kingdom
Elite Ratio:	5.93 - 78/55/9
Words:	107

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	209
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	654

Description:
This is one of my early works about the cruelty of time and the futility of love in this context.

Valediction: On Time and Love dots

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Time's a liar, in whom I trusted much
And love has now betray'd my sense as well.
Oh, why! The Pain of Love is sorrowful.
The torture, time has caused is more than Hell.

For love itself is death and pain,
Which Time does caress, with futility
Filling with hopes, the man who believes,
Leaving the lover, to cry, an eternity.

And time betrays the man who loves,
And love betrays the man who trusts.

For he who loves is doomed to cry, in pain,
And he who cries has loved too much, in vain.

©© 2005
(Hans Rik- nom de plume)

Submitted on 2006-03-27 08:03:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I really like this one...especially the last 4 lines...they are GREAT!!!
It seems to me that it is the words of someone who has been hurt in a relationship.
DJ
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  I've read this this morning, and I came back to comment on it - I had to go..
Really, I like this. It is so true - at least i believe so. I've never made a connection on time and love actually. quite interesting you did. I liked this from the beginning and even more in the end, which is my favorite piece.
Your use of words is very good and the flow is as well.
I don't realy have any critiques.
Very good job

Janneke (ce n'est pas mon nom de plume)
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
  Damn. Well, I can't say I don't agree with you on a lot of your points here, love is in fact, painful sometimes, but it doesn't always have to be. I think though, since you chose to focus on that painful aspect of love, you did a really good job. I especially like the last four lines:

"And time betrays the man who loves,
And love betrays the man who trusts.

For he who loves is doomed to cry, in pain,
And he who cries has loved too much, in vain."

For me, that is so true... But anyway, once again, great job. ...bb...

XoXo
~Tayla~

| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok I am back. I have catched my breath and am here to give you comments on your wonderful poem. I really don't know what to say though. I think the poem speaks for itself.

Time's a liar, in whom I trusted much
And love has now betray'd my sense as well.
Oh, why! The Pain of Love is sorrowful.
The torture, time has caused is more than Hell.

Is time really a liar or do we lie to ourselves about time? You trusted time to heal your wounds or to bring forth something that would make your life better. But you put this trust on time, time never offered you this trust. All time did was exist (and I am not even sure about that) but you are the one that gave it your hope.(These are just thoughts that your poem brought, I think that I am speaking of myself. Your poems always force me to think about my life from a different perspective). Love, such a wonderful sensation but such a tortorous pain. Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

For love itself is death and pain,
Which Time does caress, with futility
Filling with hopes, the man who believes,
Leaving the lover, to cry, an eternity.

Perfect. Favorite sentence For love itself is death and pain. You define love and all of its perplexities with this sentence. There are so many emotions that I feel my heart is swollen and memories are haunting my mind.

And time betrays the man who loves,
And love betrays the man who trusts.

Your flow is magnificent. There is nothing that I would change. So many concepts in your poem. It feels as though your poem gives me ecstacy. The pain in the poem for some reason gives me pleasure. Maybe its because I have found some form of release in your words.

For he who loves is doomed to cry, in pain,
And he who cries has loved too much, in vain

Bravo once again. It feels as though the tone is that of a prophet speaking his great wisdom. I loved it.
| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
  Bravo. This is so wonderful. You left me speechless. I am standing here in front of a labtop dumbfounded. I don't know what to sat. Hold on. Let me catch my breath.
| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
  Well written poem you have. Flows nicely and hell, I agree with it. Loved the beginning. I'd give you a better critique but 'm a tad busy.

Uma Soph
| Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by Soph | [ Reply to This ]

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