Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Only Mournerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 442



    Description:
       I am an amateur poet if anything. I would like any comments and advice. I have never taken a poetry class, I know nothing of correct puntuation and the like. (Edited twice now, still not sure its great.)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Only Mournerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You leave me here
    In my corner
    Shadows black
    The only mourner

    Tears fall down
    My cheeks stained
    I can't move
    No progress gained

    No light provided
    Nothing to keep me safe
    Hard times prevail
    I hold tight the love you gave.

    No use in trying
    I am stuck in my corner
    With my broken dreams
    The only mourner




    Submitted on 2006-03-27 16:43:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      sounds good should of kept writting more but then again thats just me thought Id read your fist one, ty
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      the first paragraph seemed to be about theings other people do to us and the end the the things we do to ourselves...


    I am glad someone caught that. I thought it was unclear. Thanks for the comments
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how the first and last paragraphs are so alike but they arnt the same at all...it seems to emphasize the message..the first paragraph seemed to be about theings other people do to us and the end the the things we do to ourselves...
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by sugargirlplur | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the feeling in this poem...it is simple but i think it helps u in this case.
    the message you are trying to convey comes across effectively and easily...if anything you should work on developing a unique style of your own, however it is a good start
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by ghostladynessa | [ Reply to This ]
      in my personal opinion, the lack of punctuation works well here. The fact that you've broken up each sentence in perfect spaces really helps that as well....

    the only thing that i really dont like about this is tear stained cheeks. You'll find very quickly here at Elite that what stands out is originality...or even taking something that may not be so original, and putting a personal touch to it...

    in any case, welcome to Elite
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    96660

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Love written by saartha
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry