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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Only Mournerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 442



    Description:
       I am an amateur poet if anything. I would like any comments and advice. I have never taken a poetry class, I know nothing of correct puntuation and the like. (Edited twice now, still not sure its great.)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Only Mournerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You leave me here
    In my corner
    Shadows black
    The only mourner

    Tears fall down
    My cheeks stained
    I can't move
    No progress gained

    No light provided
    Nothing to keep me safe
    Hard times prevail
    I hold tight the love you gave.

    No use in trying
    I am stuck in my corner
    With my broken dreams
    The only mourner




    Submitted on 2006-03-27 16:43:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sounds good should of kept writting more but then again thats just me thought Id read your fist one, ty
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      the first paragraph seemed to be about theings other people do to us and the end the the things we do to ourselves...


    I am glad someone caught that. I thought it was unclear. Thanks for the comments
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how the first and last paragraphs are so alike but they arnt the same at all...it seems to emphasize the message..the first paragraph seemed to be about theings other people do to us and the end the the things we do to ourselves...
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by sugargirlplur | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the feeling in this poem...it is simple but i think it helps u in this case.
    the message you are trying to convey comes across effectively and easily...if anything you should work on developing a unique style of your own, however it is a good start
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by ghostladynessa | [ Reply to This ]
      in my personal opinion, the lack of punctuation works well here. The fact that you've broken up each sentence in perfect spaces really helps that as well....

    the only thing that i really dont like about this is tear stained cheeks. You'll find very quickly here at Elite that what stands out is originality...or even taking something that may not be so original, and putting a personal touch to it...

    in any case, welcome to Elite
    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]


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