Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sufferdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ghostladynessa
    ASL Info:    15/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 8/4/6
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 184
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       ....i was feeling used....and so i wrote this poem. sometimes no matter how much you hate somebody u still love them to death and it kills you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSufferdots
    -------------------------------------------


    my nails scratch the wall as i fall into my cement floor
    of lies
    my head hits and shatters on the wall i'v built,i will
    blend in with the tiles
    red tears sting my eyes and leave burns down my face,
    as my eyes are torn out so i cant see the beauty
    that is so far from me.
    my knees are weak, feel so helpless and full of hate
    I beg for help with my mind,
    voice no longer audible.
    For if i opened up my mouth, my screams
    would tear apart your soul,
    trembling lips and bleeding body
    ....
    as you sit and laugh
    like a kid at a carnival, for my ears
    are all you've left of me
    so i may
    suffer
    while you leave.





    Submitted on 2006-03-27 23:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well first of all "i'v" in the third line, you should have written "I have" well but above this i do not see any other bad things here, i mean your words are really good and wait i think that in your desire to use some symbolism you have falied in a few things i mean in cement floor.. i would have choiced other word as stinging floor.... well it is just a suggestion .. i mean it is your work .. well keep writing and thanks for sharing and if you have time please take a look to my writings and leave a comment please, i would really appreciate it .. thanks for your time
    peace and love
    take care
    and have a nice day
    Victor
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.