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    dots Submission Name: Day Dreamingdots

    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782

       This poem is written to no one in particular, but expresses my longing to be loved.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDay Dreamingdots

    I want to hold you close within my arms
    Let you hold me, spellbound by your beauty and your charms
    I long to share my secrets; whisper late into the night
    I'll kiss you, smile playfully, then start a pillow fight
    We'll laugh out loud until we collapse, lay there with shining eyes
    And as I take in all of you, I slowly realize
    That every inch of you is perfect, every smile and every curve
    And your beauty and your love aren't something I deserve
    Yet, I'm here so close to you; you grace me with a kiss
    A secret treasure you give to me, you place upon my lips
    The corner of my mouth turns upwards as I drift into your embrace
    Feeling so at home, so beautiful, so perfect in that place.

    Submitted on 2006-03-28 09:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm... I like this. It as a subtle sweetness about it that I find simply profound. Your flow, rhythm and rhyme were good and your use of imagery was fair.

    Indeed there is a longing in everyones heart for that special someone who will gives us the true love we desire and deserve. You did a very nice job to convey your feelings and I'm sure in time you will find that special someone.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully done,this is and excellent write,the picture you painted of this love was painted in very nice hues,it was almost as if the feeling where the readers as well as your,I lied the last line most of all it completed the poem perfectly,liked the way you also kept it light and yet very loving thanks for the read keep up the good works
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      Love like this is the most incredible thing in the world. But be careful what you wish for, cause you may get it, and then have it taken away...
    I love the line about a pillow fight...I had my fair share of those in my last relationship. This is really beautiful, I hope you find what you're looking for...
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so beautiful, I really liked it. I'm adding it to my faves ! I can understand that you want to be loved, I was like that too, maybe I still am, I don't know. I guess I still am, that's why I liked this so much, it was like you read my mind. I could say wich parts I liked the most but then I'd have to copy the whole poem.
    Keep up the good work !
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Tom110989 | [ Reply to This ]

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