The Day They Won The War
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Description:
This started out as a silly poem and ended up turning into a poem about a little inch-worm watching a city as it got bombed. I do not know how the town could perish and not the tree and the inch-worm, but that was sort of the point. An unrealistic twist or something. Anyway, any errors in this poem were intentional, with the exception of spelling. I did spell check twice, so there shouldn't be any, but in the case that there is, feel free to correct them. Any other errors were intentional. As for the war, I hadn't and particular one in mind. This was a spur of the moment poem that just developed as I went along. So tell me what you think...
The Day They Won The War
I sat upon a leaf, Waiting out the rain, The falling of the water, Causes much disdain. Huge drops of water, Falling from the sky, Can do a lot of damage, To such a little guy. Some rain drops, About half my size, Falling at such a rate, Proves potential for my demise. So I'll sit up on this leaf, Waiting out the rain, Dodging the falling water, With no intentional complaints. I've got a kindly friend or two, As well as a nice home, The planes have been coming more frequently now, So I hardly notice the drone. Now only for an instant, Every thing's gone black, A cloud of smoke in the distance, Making its way back. Rolling up toward the sky, Making its way toward me, I shudder and I try to hide, Here upon my leaf. Breathing's become difficult, For an instant, there's a deafening sound, There's a horrible silence, Then the sound of things hitting the ground. There's a brief period of nothing. But the travel of the smoke, Until it all clears away, And what I see invokes A feeling in me I cannot describe, A mixture of empathy, A mixture of rage, In the distance, there is nothing, No longer any trees, No longer any houses, I cannot believe Everything is gone, The people, the town, All I can see, Is dirt, ground. I was sitting on a leaf, Just waiting out the rain, But instead I witnessed, The moment everything changed. The day that they became nothing, The day it all disappeared, The day there was no one to speak, The day there was nothing to hear. The Day They Won The War |
Submitted on 2006-03-28 15:26:02 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| This is a good peice, very tragic indeed. My favorite line is "I was sitting on a leaf, Just waiting out the rain, But instead I witnessed, The moment everything changed." I like the way it alludes to a person trying to stay out of conflict thinking that it nothing will happen if they ignore it, but the event still happens without them intervening or not and they still feel pain and grief. At least I think that's what it alludes to. I think I'll add this one to my favorites. You have a lot of talent, so keep on writing. | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ] | This was a really interesting thing to come back with after not really posting much in quite a while. It's very good, very strange, very original... For some strange reason, this was my favorite part... | Huge drops of water, Falling from the sky, Can do a lot of damage, To such a little guy. I think this is really mature... | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ] | You have a very clever idea here and an interesting story as well. I am not sure the ending makes complete sense as it appears the question of who "they" is, since it appears no one is left except the observer. But perhaps this was the point of the piece? | | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ] | DAMN! This was freakin awesome Jess! I was entertained, humored, sad, happy, giddy, and all the spectrum of emotions that come along in reading good writing. Dont see why you havent gotten much comments on this as it is one of the most unique things here I have ever read. Good stuff kiddo! Good, good, good indeed! |  | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] | |
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