[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: beth freese
    ASL Info:    18.F.Earth
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 74/113/39
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 466

       meh. life...one life and it's lack of effect on anything/everything. that's about it. i kinda like it but that's just me. tell me what you think good or bad,.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    shaking nervously underneath the circle of hell,
    turning from mind to body
    same old body,
    same old feet,
    tiptoeing across the invinsible ground,
    shaking turns to ashes
    that blow restlessly over the worthless dirt
    look at the tiny imprints
    she's made
    kknowing the only changes she will make
    is the little specks of death
    she'll spontanously leave
    on the unbreakable earth

    Submitted on 2006-03-28 19:30:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Not much self esteem/positive impact on the world here, just a great deal of self deprecation at not having done more with opportunities given. I think you need to break this up into two stanzas between 'worthless dirt' and 'look at the tiny imprints' (and spell check the whole work). BTW, the first line is excellent. I could PM you with more suggestions if you'd like them. Otherwise, keep writing. Take care of yourself. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]