but i walk to the beat
of my own drum
here i am
messing up the world
with the boring snap
of my fingers
destructing the beautiful symphany
of the universe
simply put, i don't belong here
I'd like to see you expand on this one; it has resonance and power but it's a bit too brief to have the impact it might have had. Perhaps if you broke this up into three four line stanzas with an equally brief title ("1NE" comes to mind).As it is, it serves as a nice intro to a longer work on the theme of individualism and visionary uniqueness. Just some thoughts. Take care of yourself. Bill.
I have to agree with chilz, but it's great the way it is. Some poems are just meant to be left short. And I totally understand short poems, cause I do them all the time :P I really liked this, overall.
this is simple yet strong in its messege. i believe it has th petential to become a bigger greater poem but i like the simplistic (i dont know if that is a word or not) of it. Simple messege simple text. lovely.
Short, but strong. Very simple and direct yet it definately carries weight. I would like to see it with some deeper or heavier words. Not neccesarily more words, just different words. Example: shaking apart the world with the reverberating snap
shattering the beautiful symphony, the universe. Simply put... I don't belong here
Those are just suggestions. Pardon my spelling by the way. Not much good without spell check :). Anyways, I enjoyed this piece and I hope you continue writing.