Description: i punched a hole in my wall. yeah i was pretty pissed off. but now i pretty much regret it. meh. i'm pretty sure that's to be expected. oh well though. i need a good title...i don't really like Fury so i'm open to suggestions there too. thanks.
Fury I guess -------------------------------------------
like some kind of boxer,
rocky perhaps without the heart
throwing useless punches
into the helpless victim
watching it split
and give up on me
dust hits the air
right where I breathe
and I cough
but keep going
watching the wall,
cringe in pain
it has nothign left,
I have nothing left.
so i stop
and look at the damage
my red fists have created
and my blue eyes cry.
Craziness. I ninja kicked a hole in the wall at my old place. That was on accident though. I was just kind of tapping on it, and then my foot went through. What I usually end up doing when I'm in a weird sort of a mood is turning up my music really loud, and shadowboxing for awhile. I went all night once cause I couldn't sleep at all.
Anyhow, I think the feeling is there. I definitely know where you're coming from, but the mechanics need some work. Small things really. Capital letters at your first word, and then again at Rocky, that sort of thing. Maybe it's just me, but the 'and' at 'and I cough' doesn't feel right. I would have just cut that word myself. And your first 'nothing' got the 'g' and the 'n' flip-flopped.
Look through it one more time, and make sure you like it. I love the ideas and the feeling behind it all, but the technical stuff needs some work. Otherwise, nice job.
This is pretty cool...I've known so many people that do crazy things like that, punching stupid inanimate objects, and ending up hurting themselves instead. My friend in high school punched the concrete wall and broke his hand. My exboyfriend got pissed and punched the side mirror on his truck, and still has a scar where a chunk of his hand was taken out by the glass. And I know that I've felt like punching things like that before...I just wonder, does it help? From reading this poem, I guess it doesn't...Really interesting topic to write about...
What a unique issue to write a poem about. Punching a wall, man thats got to hurt. I like how you wrote this. Your description of the situation was very nice and I commend you for that.
On the issue of the title I guess it could use a change, hmmm... In Anger or My Fury... or Venting or something like that. Anyways I like this. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
How you work or worked out whatever made you so mad.