Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: He followsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rain
    ASL Info:    18/F/Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 518/501/64
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 253
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 922



    Description:
       Okay, I was bored in Math class.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHe followsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One dark hole,
    five black spirals,
    three bright lights flashing.
    The bleakness of the world falls
    around the feet of many.

    Stumbling fools make their way through life
    without a care, without a hope.
    Jabbering morons talk their way through situations,
    not a real thought crosses their mind.

    The stepping stones of life
    are only as big as you make them.
    And the larger the foot,
    the more they take for granted.
    The river stops for no one.

    Five black spirals plunge
    into one dark hole.
    A final resting place for some,
    but three turn toward the bright light.

    The misery of life,
    can be escaped by only the innocent.
    Those pure at heart and soul are unlikely to be found.
    The darkened souls over populate
    and the Reaper is never far behind.




    Submitted on 2006-03-29 11:11:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay Kim, what has happened? Where the hell did this extremely fine piece of writing come from?

    Optimistic, full of hope...it's really good, you know?

    Make it perfect and fix the typos in S3 "plunge" and "towards"
    I'd also find another word for "bleakness" and use that at the end instead of the repeat, even "pure" could be subbed in the last stanza.

    Excellent work Kim, and you know I mean it

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, hell! Boredom has definately sprouted a mighty fine write today! There are so many things in this write that I find to be just grand and educational in the ways of the world and of life Kimbre. Shadowed in the darkness of this write is the purity of the light, and that takes some skill to do that. Like I said, you are a good writer.

    O.k. Gotta nitpick a bit:

    not a real though crosses their mind

    Did you mean "thought" there? Dunno, might work better.

    And grantid should be spelled granted.

    Those pure at heart and soul are unlike to be found

    Maybe "unlikely" ooo...or maybe even "not likely"...?

    Just some thoughts, but definately not enough to keep from the faves list.

    Flowing rivers can never be stopped...I loved that part.
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe you are referring to five black spirals as the major senses making a human life
    You worded this very well and this poem really created some intense visions
    Very Well Worded
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm overall i find this poem mysteriously appealing tho it has some spelling mistakes and some parts are more unlcear than mysterious

    Those pure at heart and soul are unlike to be found

    perhaps u meant unlikey to be found but a little proofreading and revision could make this into a very beautiful poem nice job :D
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.