This poem was very nice to read. I read it easily, and the rhythm flowed very well. I like the Iambic Quadrameter, especially in the second to last stanza wherein it is in perfect form. Enough about the technical sh*t though...
Though I'm sure my interpretation of the poem is defferent from what you were expressing when you wrote it, it intrigued my intensely. Overall, I think it's beautiful.
I JUST NOW realized it is a song, not a poem. Still very well written.
I think it's really nice. I don't know that I see the relationship between the beginning of the poem and the end of the poem though. First you're talking about wanting to be in, or just being in, a place like a dream where you don't have to put up a false front. But then you start talking about not getting anywhere. I like both thoughts, but maybe you could tie them in a little more?
well i got shocked when i read the repetitive stanza... but then i realized it was lyrics.. personally, i do not like reading lyrics i prefer hearing them, but this caught my attention it was very dark as the way i am feeling now so a good write and i loved the wording here.. even though ithink the rhyimng was a little forced ... but i like it .. so a good write my friend... thanks for sharing and if you have time please take a loook to my writing and leave a comment please
"Walk away with me tonight Forget about those in the light Dance inside this shadow realm Die between the oak and elm"
a good chorus, peace and love have a nice day peace and love Victor P.D.: keep writing
Dark, dark, dark. Everything you write is so depressing. It's like one, long cry for help. If not for fear of being slapped like a two dollar whore when I see you next, I'd ask if you needed a hug.
It's not bad. Not the best you've written, but I liked it well enough. Lyrics are hard to do because you have a meter and that Cello solo between the third and fourth chorus that people aren't getting. Lyrics only tell half of the story. They demand the music that comes with them. That's why I don't post as many lyrics. They can be excellent, but it's so much harder to get the same feeling without the music.
It's nice, but my waste processing organs are attacking me, and preventing me from saying anymore on the subject. So, I'll take my leave now.