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    dots Submission Name: Dance Awaydots

    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 179/157/47
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1095

       Anything is good on this. I'm curious to see what you guys think of it.

    Edited: 10/10/08

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDance Awaydots

    Follow me into the night
    whilst time alone rules light
    I dance within my shadow realm
    twisting through the oak and elm

    Dance away with me tonight
    forget your fears, just take flight
    please forget about tomorrow
    it will only lead to sorrow

    Singing out my pain filled song
    I've been alone for much too long
    Come and ease my loneliness
    Please forget about all the rest

    Come dance away with me tonight
    Fall away from the light
    dance inside this shadowed realm
    Fall beneath the oak and elm

    Twirling to the mindless song
    forgetting what is right and wrong
    you begin to see the change in me
    am I what you thought I'd be?

    My tears you see fall to the ground
    you see me cry without a sound
    I only want to live again
    instead of being in this glen

    Walk away with me tonight
    Forget those in the light
    Dance inside this shadow realm
    Die between the oak and elm

    Submitted on 2006-03-29 11:54:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem was very nice to read. I read it easily, and the rhythm flowed very well. I like the Iambic Quadrameter, especially in the second to last stanza wherein it is in perfect form. Enough about the technical sh*t though...

    Though I'm sure my interpretation of the poem is defferent from what you were expressing when you wrote it, it intrigued my intensely. Overall, I think it's beautiful.

    I JUST NOW realized it is a song, not a poem. Still very well written.

    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice write..good lyrics too. I don't have much to say on this, lol, sorry bout that. It was really really good. Please keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's really nice. I don't know that I see the relationship between the beginning of the poem and the end of the poem though. First you're talking about wanting to be in, or just being in, a place like a dream where you don't have to put up a false front. But then you start talking about not getting anywhere. I like both thoughts, but maybe you could tie them in a little more?
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by goveiac | [ Reply to This ]
      well i got shocked when i read the repetitive stanza... but then i realized it was lyrics.. personally, i do not like reading lyrics i prefer hearing them, but this caught my attention it was very dark as the way i am feeling now so a good write and i loved the wording here.. even though ithink the rhyimng was a little forced ... but i like it .. so a good write my friend...
    thanks for sharing and if you have time please take a loook to my writing and leave a comment please

    "Walk away with me tonight
    Forget about those in the light
    Dance inside this shadow realm
    Die between the oak and elm"

    a good chorus,
    peace and love
    have a nice day
    peace and love
    P.D.: keep writing
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark, dark, dark. Everything you write is so depressing. It's like one, long cry for help. If not for fear of being slapped like a two dollar whore when I see you next, I'd ask if you needed a hug.

    It's not bad. Not the best you've written, but I liked it well enough. Lyrics are hard to do because you have a meter and that Cello solo between the third and fourth chorus that people aren't getting. Lyrics only tell half of the story. They demand the music that comes with them. That's why I don't post as many lyrics. They can be excellent, but it's so much harder to get the same feeling without the music.

    It's nice, but my waste processing organs are attacking me, and preventing me from saying anymore on the subject. So, I'll take my leave now.

    See you in school tomorrow,
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]

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