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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: New Years Drinkin'dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ehrickah
    ASL Info:    21/F/CT
    Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 9/13/8
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1029



    Description:
       Eh this is a very flimsy second draft. I need feedback!!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNew Years Drinkin'dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's about time I learned.
    The ticket to the world fair has been burned.
    The twisted shape of your smile has been
    In my mind for some time now, and I
    Can't seem to understand the fixated thoughts.
    Nothing makes sense in the world when you speak.
    (Your confusing and,
    Sadly everyone gets a broken heart.)
    The death of a saint is a cure for the sane.
    Inside you dwell only to seduce then kill.
    Don't tempt those who seek your heart.
    They'll die before they ever reach it.
    It feels like i've been burned by the wicked.
    Sad thoughts come across the sky to feed me.
    You can't seem to get what you want.
    And you miss the love that left you.
    Why must you break our hearts so?
    It kills us to think we touch it but won’t.
    In time the thoughts will fade to those who adore -
    The pain is inevitable, especially trying to tame you.
    Your perfect, but yet so hard to tame.




    Submitted on 2006-03-29 14:39:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hello

    This is rather intresting, because I can see that you have a wonderful talent.
    But the subject matter is what getting to me.
    I have seen this type of thing over and over but the words are different.
    Now what you got here is fine but if you are really looking for advice then I think you should change the ending a bit.
    But thats just me.

    don't hate me for telling you what I think.

    While I am here thank you as well for stalking me...only God knows why.

    Take care

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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