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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: dieing boydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: no_light_shines
    Elite Ratio:    1.71 - 2/6/12
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Story/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 1030
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       what do you think of it i just made it up as i went, it could be a lot batter tho


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdieing boydots
    -------------------------------------------


    as his finger moves gently back,
    a tear ran down his face,
    as he fell to the floor,
    the blood spilled over his bed,
    with a note in his hand,
    with words saying,
    i can't live without her,
    maybe in my death she will realize that,

    as she read the note she stated to cry,
    she Wondered why it had to end like this,
    day by day she cried for him,
    day by day she wanted to be with him,
    the grief consumed her day by day,
    till the day came when she took her own life.




    Submitted on 2006-03-29 16:04:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This reminds me a lot of "Whiskey Lullaby". The story line's the same, and almost the same thing happens in that song. But it's a good poem, and although it reminds me of the song, it's still completly different. It's got that unique twist. I think it's a little rough, but you said you wrote it as you went, so it's pretty good for that . I guess you should just watch your rythm.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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