Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm Sorrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 649
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753



    Description:
       Written after a fight with my mom
    due to all of the feedback you guys gave me telling me I should show it to my mom, I did. Unfortunately, she didn't quite have the same appreciation for it that you guys did, but hey, I tried, right?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm Sorrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unconscious of my destroying
    Unaware of the chaos I cause
    Until you slammed the door
    And suddenly it all hit me
    Knocked me off my feet
    With those words, "Why is it always about you?"
    How could I be so selfish?
    It's times like these that I recall
    Remember all my downfalls
    And my soul sufficates with this search for forgiveness
    My weak attempt at an apology is all I can offer
    I kneel before you, head bowed
    I love you
    Please don't let these wards tear you away from that
    I'm sorry
    For what I said, and should have said
    For what I did and should have done
    THis plea for forgiveness
    I offer on my knees.




    Submitted on 2006-03-29 16:18:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is something your mother needs to see.
    Theres nothing like apologizing with words as strong as these.

    theres no way to critique you on writing from pure emotion like that. Whatever comes out is always the best. Trust that whenever you write and everything will come out better than you thought it could.

    ~Paco
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Blaargh | [ Reply to This ]
      Moms, they do know best sometimes dont they. Sometimes we forget to put ourselves in the shoes of others...like our mothers for example. Some mothers arent that great, granted...just as selfish as a child they can be...but the good moms are always the ones that have the guts to say what they see their children are acting like...an try to persuade them to be a better person. This is just what I get from your poem, and no matter what a person thinks, a good mother will always accept her childs apology, regardless of how feable it may seem to the child. You had a few spelling errors in this though...but I compliment you for the truthfulness in this write.
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a touching peice, i have been there and had the fights with my parents and then felt like i should have been more mature and handled it better, so on the sense of begging their forgiveness and such i can totally relate, now for a literal sense there was tons of emotion in this peice and it is very evident but personally i thought that the flow was a bit off now you might have intended for that but i personally thought it made it a little bit difficult to follow along with and reach that full emotion packed ending, if that makes anysense. i think the thending few lines are my favorite though because it shows the remorse you feel for the actions you took in this argument with your mom, i hope that you show this to your mom and i also hope that you two work it all out as me and my parents do... i hope that everything works out...Joy
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really great write
    I hope you show this to your Mother
    I too have these same little fights with my Mom and Dad
    But Thank God
    The Unconditional Love of a Parent to their child always shines thru
    Great Write
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    96927

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry