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Soft teasing into the mindscape,
The burnt man stretched and leered, itinerant maggot
In feeble sleepers’ blood, flexing lock-talons
And rearing erect, as though fresh from the ooze of his parentage.
The associative brain is most hospitable to ghosts.
He winks and it’s all red.
Dragging air in, thorny air
To unsuspecting lungs, Annmarie panics.
Red room! Red room! Stranger!
Pain’s dikes rear like footmen’s pikes,
Hiking enemy colors, homeland scalps.
She kicks like a dead thing,
Rust and coal, crusty sparking pyre
The walls screech and hiss in ritual ire,
Forms like frozen seething snakes
Or entrails, black and gurgling with steam
Their lord hefts his prey, stroking her deep
Slitting bone, trigger
The girl jerks—
“You played the wrong mind, worm.”
Her voice rails from the pipes, changed.
In his hands, throat bones hackle to roar:
Like cutting ants, the sound seismiphies his bones.
Scourged, the burned man chokes and coils,
The insult of her talon
Is a mercy.
The boiler’s walls rally to the girl
Like nestlings, stretching budding iron teeth.
At her nod, they tear him. She grins like shrapnel.
“Meet my dragon,” she tells the air, absent.
She wakes cold, ringed by watchers,
And checks her hands for claws.
“I got him.”
| This is marvelous. You did wonderfully with the sprung meter, and it's certainly more than I could have handled. I've never seen the movies, but I certainly would like to see Freddy meet his end in such a wonderfully wicked way. It's structured beautifully. Way to go!||| Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by JAvery | [ Reply to This ] || How perfecly sickening! I agree it was comical. It reminded me especially ithe third stanza of the Lord of the Rings It has that 'epic' quality of the all out battle between powerful forces. I think the rhyme scheeme worked well. |
|| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Lafferty | [ Reply to This ] || Are you sure you've never seen the movies because some of them do involve a boiler room, so you got that part right (good job if you just kind of wrote it just to write it). And you also got it right about him entering through dreams -2 for 2. As far as your character, Annmarie, well, I don't think you butchered it because in dreams, anything can happen. It's actually quite comical, if you ever do get the chance to see the movies, maybe it will make more sense to you. But as it stands, having not seen the movie beforehand, this was pretty good. Nice job. ...bb...|
|| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ] |