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    dots Submission Name: pixy dustdots

    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 725

       what ever you want it to be

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspixy dustdots

    hold me in your arms baby
    keep me nice and close
    one more line hunny
    and theirs your overdose
    i try to stay away
    but iv been in love from the first day
    your smell your taste i want it all
    you help me run when i can barely crawl

    hold me in your arms lady
    keep me nice and close
    one more line mommy
    and theirs your overdose
    you keep comeing back
    in the pleasing department you never lack
    i say were done but thats not true
    i cant help but feel loved with you

    hold me in your arms mr. Berlin
    keep me nice and close
    one more line my dear
    and theirs your overdose

    Submitted on 2006-03-29 22:03:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very strong stanzas, I like how you repeat the "overdose" line throughout the piece, brings back memories, that I rather leave untouched, but a reminder is always a good wake-up call. You have a nice one here, keep it up!

    | Posted on 2012-05-17 00:00:00 | by Latin King | [ Reply to This ]
      damn gurl you got talent! Keep up the good work! I wish I could write like that one!
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by MaxHam | [ Reply to This ]

    Don't change anything! If anyone want to know who Mr. Berlin is, they can private message you. The best poetry that has ever been written is poetry that you have to think about or read more than 4 times. You have improved since I last posted a comment on your work. You need to seek publication. Writer's Digest.com has many poetry and story writing contest that you can enter. Most of them require a fee but it is not much. Go to town on yourself. You release yourself when you release those feelings on paper. Later!

    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      it's so much better when you read it to me, you read really good, your voice. it's sad and honest and that combination always makes things beautiful for whatever strange reason.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Um irs ok...I mean what you have is well written but I think that you need to expand it more. I mean who in the world is Mr. Berlin? Your not very clear........

    <3 adi
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
      Erm.... yeah i do like it........ you kept the flow going well but i do agree with Persephone in the fact that i was a little lost maybe we missed the point or it was'nt hi-lighted quite enough. I understand it's a love poem is it about the three people you love the most your boyfriend your mum and a mr berlin??
    Please let me know
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      Well it's good. I know that, and I like how it was written. It's well formatted, and I think that it looks pretty clean from here. But...I lost something on the emotional level. The only thing that got me was mr.Berlin, but that was because of a longing for home...(used to live there). I'm sorry if this just went over my head.
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]

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