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My Civil War


Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 114
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 787
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 846



Description:


Idk i wrote it- cuz i hated myself for son long- and when i really thought about it- i didn't exactly know why i did... Maybe cuz i didnt look a certain way- who cares anyway...


My Civil War



In my head
I’m still sober
In my head
It’s not over

It’s not over
Till the gun shoots a dud
It’s not over
Till everyone spills blood

In my dreams
Blood pools
In my dreams
There are no rules

In my war
Everyone fights
In my war
The pain bites

Replays, Rewinds
In my mind forever
Replays, Rewinds,
Fighting till never

Shooting, bombing
A war against the mirror
Shooting, bombing
The end is coming nearer

Mission of my life,
To kill that someone,
Mission of my life,
Holding that gun

Holding that gun.
I fired a shot…
Holding that gun.
At the ally I forgot…




Submitted on 2006-03-30 03:43:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Well, it was quite good, but I reckon the end let it down a bit.
I liked the way you constantly referenced back to the previous stanza or two, that intertwining of words is very effective, and much better than simple repetition.

Very good, but I'd work on the ending, it needs something.

well done

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Once again, something I can relate to. Nightmares are not fun, and most of the time, we find ourselves reliving them in our waking hours. This poem had a lot of literal meaning behind it and a lot of figurative meaning. It was neat to see how you so cleverly worked out both in this poem. KUDOS!
| Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]


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