Agreed, I love how it play with the mind. Kinda though to read at point cuz the flow was off. When I was reading it at points I noticed that some words could be knocked off and it would make it much better....
To bind in the corners till all that's a fuss. <I'd knock off 'that's' and just put 'all's'>
Doomed are we in the wrong that we seek <knock off the 'that'>
Hell we get into the hell that we fake. <again, say bye-bye to the 'that'>
Make the right or as it is called <might have been easier to say 'or so it's called'>
We go it in a smooth path to walk <I understnad what you're trying to say, but it seemd forced and didn't sound right>
this poem is pretty good. it kinda plays with the mind of the reader and i like it. still i don’t now if i truly understood the meaning of the repetition of “that we find” in the first verse: “More that we find that we find in our life”...maybe you will explain it to me :)
P.S.: i read your last comments and i want to tell you that you can't criticize a writer just because he/she makes long submissions. it is their choice on how long the poems should be. + abcd……is NOT a good comment. Big ratings are for those who have something to say.
I have nothing to critique. This was beautifully writen and so incredibly true. It is hard to say if we are fortunate to be so awake, or cursed because it seems much easier to sleep through our lives. None the less, I am happy to be alive and awake, no matter the consciequences.... Thank you for reassuring I am not alone.