Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Letterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 425



    Description:
       This was a poem I wrote after writing one last letter to my love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Letterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Paper feels like petals as I write
    A fading flower, opened up
    To send my love to you
    Scent of rose reaches your fingertips
    Cherish it as you cherish me
    It will be my final letter
    Will you write one back?
    These watery eyes
    Beg you. Please do.
    I miss you so, it hurts to breathe
    I need you here where you belong
    Promise me you'll come home soon.




    Submitted on 2006-03-30 09:25:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The thought of writing letters...brings me back to a place I don't want ever want to be again...my boyfriend got back from Iraq a while ago..and I wrote so many letters...we went through so many hard times, there were times I thought it was my last letter...and I guess I never really knew when or even if I was going to get one back. It's probably not the same situation..but for me..there was almost a desperation in every letter I wrote...I missed him so much...and I wanted a response so badly...I don't know why this was your last letter...but I hope you got your response. Great write. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't mind that you didn't give the reason (one could always imagine). I do find some of your punctuation odd though; some of your sentences get periods and some don't. I'd put a period after "you" in line three. I'd add a "The" to the beginning of line four.
    I'd put one after "me" and another after "letter." I'd also put them after "breathe" and "belong." These are just suggestions. This reminds me of some Asian poems I've read. Nicely done, Amy
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      The only confusing part of this write was why it was a last letter. Otherwise, I thought the sentiments and longing were very well expressed. It sounded as if this was a break-up, yet it was unclear what was happening to cause it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    97029

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry