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    dots Submission Name: The two of Us (edited)dots

    Author: Sharati_hottie
    ASL Info:    20/ Female / MICHIGAN
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 86/81/90
    Words: 328
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1841

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsThe two of Us (edited)dots

    For the life of me I thought you
    would be speaking to me like that...
    All the time we spent together
    seems like its all crap.

    Together for 7 months
    you and I were,
    and then because of battles and fights
    ourselves grew sour.

    I wish that in due time
    you and Tash do grow up.
    I love you both like family so this intense love
    I see I hope "I" don't corrupt.

    Robert, My dearest truest friend,
    you have been with me through years...
    I hope that in the time we see each other,
    and I don't cause your fiancée any tears.

    She doesn't deserve what I could do.
    I know I am what I am.
    This sucks that I have such power,
    but can't control Sam.

    Sharati is the powerful one,
    by mind and body and goals,
    but when the Samantha wants to surface
    the rough times do unfold.

    We are the same you and I,
    Fat and Rob, and Sharati and Sam.
    The people we fall in love with we hurt,
    it all seems like a scam.

    We try and try and Try again,
    to keep ourselves subsided,
    but we know damn well
    that when time goes by ourselves will be divided...

    Now Robert My dearest listen love
    and I will tell you a story.
    Just because of who you are,
    doesn’t make me worry.

    It’s because of how you act
    that makes everything worse.
    I wonder how we will live with ourselves
    when we inevitably take the wrong course.

    Robert, you know I love you,
    and this is the final line.
    When you need someone to talk to
    you can call me anytime.

    Submitted on 2006-03-30 11:35:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Stew, but in recent research of mine I found that certain formal leter writing is actually classified as poetry, so it's all good.
    I know you love me Sam, if you didn't we would never have survived half of the hell we faced together. I still remember how our first date ended up in the E.R. like it was last night.
    But look what happened with us! We would have murdered each other in another month or two.
    How do you know which course is the right one though? To go with the flow and follow the course laid beneath our feet? or to grab an axe and make our own path through the jungle?
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      Ideas for you. Too directed. Your passion is understood, but it seems more like a letter than a poem. This is only an amatuer opinion, but it is real :) Stay with it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Talon_Ted | [ Reply to This ]

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