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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Loves hard timesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bbcakes1115
    ASL Info:    22/f/ut
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 35/27/16
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       Expressing the ups and downs of a relationship I try to heal these two souls and show you how. Let me know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoves hard timesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Happy once
    Tempted by fate

    To be as one
    bonded by love
    One soul to another

    Bonds tarnish with time
    communicating to heal love
    Grieving for love lost
    Dig deep inside
    To repair the damage

    Discussing the failure
    mending two hearts
    Creating a new begining
    Two souls embrace

    Glowing with laughter
    Pure love sanctifys
    Regaining peace

    Only to endure loves hard times
    And mend two souls
    Do we learn the meaning of love




    Submitted on 2006-03-30 12:44:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is one of those pieces that needs some more "you" in it. It's got a lot of possibilities, but it's really generic now.

    For instance, instead of
    Discussing the failure,
    take us there. Maybe:
    Opening our hearts at the beach"
    "Talking on a mountain trail"
    "Building trust beneath the bleachers"

    Whatever applies to you. Or you can even make it up. The point is to add detail that will make your piece stand out and be different than the masses.

    It might seem trite, but what really pulls on people's emotions are the specifics. Let us see YOUR story.



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I have to say that this is certainly a glimpse into what the rollercoaster of love can be like. I think the last stanza speaks volumes though and is a very great lesson to learn. There isn't a whole lot that I can say about this other than you accomplished describing the up's and down's and showing that true love doesn't ever give up and is always willing to compromise. I just wish more people would see that and embrace it. Thanks for sharing!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    97051

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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