This is one of those pieces that needs some more "you" in it. It's got a lot of possibilities, but it's really generic now.
For instance, instead of Discussing the failure, take us there. Maybe: Opening our hearts at the beach" "Talking on a mountain trail" "Building trust beneath the bleachers" Whatever applies to you. Or you can even make it up. The point is to add detail that will make your piece stand out and be different than the masses.
It might seem trite, but what really pulls on people's emotions are the specifics. Let us see YOUR story.
Well, I have to say that this is certainly a glimpse into what the rollercoaster of love can be like. I think the last stanza speaks volumes though and is a very great lesson to learn. There isn't a whole lot that I can say about this other than you accomplished describing the up's and down's and showing that true love doesn't ever give up and is always willing to compromise. I just wish more people would see that and embrace it. Thanks for sharing!