WOW! This one is going to have to be another fav! Once again you have me over here with a grin on my face and giving a slight exhale to the amazement of your poetry.
This held so much power in it that I can truly see that your heart has more depth to it than what most do. You are not afraid to touch that romantic side within yourself as many others are.
The metaphors you use and the way that you use them really compliment each other. For you give the simplest thing so much meaning. If somebody was to use these lines on me...... Marriage would be in order! LMFAO!
I hope that you continue to post more. I have really grown a liking to your style!
I see in you the heart of a lion traced within many sparkles of greatness. Though you are many miles away, you touch my heart each and everyday. When we two find one another all promises of long and tender moments will release fullfillment upon the wanting soul. That face...your face never seen before.. Hiding from the eyes that adore. For you I will yield to your cultivation, spread the seed of our souls cohabitation. Watering our vine like spirits shall give growth to new desire and feed of spiritual and carnal lusts. I promise you, we"ll will burn like the forests greatest fire. I'll be the queen to your heart. Your armour shall rest within my sheath, no harm can befall.
I'll look up into that which is you under neath the glow of the night. My lips await the taste of your luv come shower your all upon me. My honey bee.... What if you were a king among kings...would that make me look for you ever the more... no...no... The heart does not live for finance and worldly gaines. My want for you has no demands.... You could offer me a copper ring and i will accept it with grace, but for now i'll gaze upon the wonder of saturn, and rap the glow around my wanting soul..remembering your words and the laughter they bring. I'll contemplate the offspring we'll make. 1st daughter named river to combine our flow and son called affinity to bond our hopes. My honeybee... Your are my excalibur... you are my forever......
Okay, okay I know it is not perrrrfect but that is my response....we can do this alllll day, you know me...collaboration is my forte....
By the way I love the poem...I always love you reads though....And no I am not BIAS..... Keep lovin and livin life.... TAG YOU'RE IT!
i particularly enjoyed this poem! i liked it a lot.
i think it was beautifully written and as far as the content or anything of that sort goes, i dont think i have any suggestions for you!
there were a few mistakes here and there that i think you should fix though. a few spelling mistakes, nothing huge.
question. in the second line of the poem where you say you have the heart of 4 kings...2 queens are you saying that two quees' hearts are the equivalent of 4 kings' hearts? or do you mean 4kings AND 2 queens?? or is it something totally different??
i think you should change the "&" to "and".
in the second stanza, "its", i dont think the "s" should be at the end of its. and there should be a "d" at the end of "an" in the second stanza
third stanza, second line "I never seen" i think that should be "I've never seen"
fifth stanza you say "point 2 you" i think since you are talking about a person and not a number here you should change that to "to" and i think you should change luv to love
that's all the grammatical errors i caught in this...like i said not a big deal. other than those i dont have anything else critique-wise to say about this.
i loved this poem...i thought the content of it was AWESOME!
my favorite part is
"I know... I don't have enough money, right now but if...I stand on the moon & offer you the ring around Saturn would that be enough for you..."
that just seems really sweet and romantical to me. i liked it a lot.
...i think i am going to add this one to my favorites!!
Submission Name: Lady
