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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Devoteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 863



    Description:
       This once again is about my boyfriend Andy. Say what you wish.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDevoteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your everything I ever knew,
    I'd give my soul just to be with you.
    I trace your lips, shaded in tone,
    I kiss your mouth to match my own.

    I feel your arms around my waist,
    Your lips on mine is a beautiful taste.
    I feel your heart beat, and it feels so right,
    As we hold each other tight.

    I place my hand on your heart,
    I swear to you will never part.
    I trace your hand to hold in mine,
    A toughing kiss to mark the time.

    With all these years yet to pass by,
    So much to learn, so much to try.
    I stroke your face so light and fine,
    Hold you close to make you mine.

    I hold you close and promise to never,
    Let you go forever, and ever.
    I ofer love, you can not buy,
    My devoted love, until I die.




    Submitted on 2006-03-30 18:27:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was cute and romantic - at your age forever is a long time to pledge but do enjoy, now, the love and comfort that you bring each other! I'm glad you have him to keep you feeling up and positive pretty girl!
    love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      it's really sweet, so inlove^_^.just a few corrections:i think 'Your' should be 'You're'(in the first line of the first stanza) and 'will' should be 'we'll'[as in we will](in the second line of the third stanza).
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by raineces | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sweet. I remember feeling just like this about a guy....then he broke my heart. I really hope that doesn't happen to you!!! This is an awesome poem I like the rhyming...the flow is good.It's very sweet. and..ah.. you can feel how much you love him. I really like it. nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice romantic poem. Glad to hear you have such a fruitful relationship. I really like rhyme, but here, in some places, like the first stanza, it seems a bit forced. A poem can be awesome without rhyming. Also, in the last three stanzas you say kind of the same thing and it's typical in some places. I'm just prejudiced against love poems, sorry about that. It just seems that you didn't know exactly what you wanted to say or how to express yourself. Don't worry, the general feeling of love and romance comes through all right. I really like these lines though:
    I place my hand on your heart,
    I swear to you will never part.
    I trace your hand to hold in mine,
    A toughing kiss to mark the time.
    I;m gonna shut up now, just in case.
    Have a nice day and a relationship as beautiful as it is now.
    Also, if you have time, please check out some of my work.
    -Angie-
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]


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