Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Surgical Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
        Here's another poem about insane asylums/ illegal laboratories kind of stuff. I can't seem to get away for insane asylums/ operations/ laboratory stuff. I'm obsessed with them for some reason. So yah tell me what you think, If you dont like go ahead and bash it and tell me why you dont like it. Tell me everything.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSurgical Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Chemical fears,
    I cry.
    Procedure of fluorescent pain.
    Surgical tears,
    I shed.
    Outpouring of acidic rain.

    Emotion, dissection.
    Rusted Operation.
    Injecting Nightmares.
    Relieve this misery.
    Raw, flesh feast,
    cauterize humanity.

    Choking in the stench of immorality,
    "I pray."
    Sweat is flowing, tubes inserted,
    "Watch me as I die."

    Choking in the stench of immoriality
    "I scream."
    Wrapped in plastic, acid burning,
    "Watch me as I rot."




    Submitted on 2006-03-30 23:35:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm smiling.

    Don't know what to say, other than the fact that it reminds me of my own stories. Ah, Dove. Yes. But not really.

    I'm not really commenting... It seems you've been given enough compliments. I'll have you know, I think it's wonderful and amazing and dark and morbid and horrible and just simply perfect. ...And not. Because a simple idea of perfection is boring.

    It sounds so cruel... and not describable enough to grasp. Almost as if the setting was placed just far enough from the reader's reach, so to create a surreal world. I'm liking this.
    | Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by Darkess | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. I also find it very deep. The imagery makes the reader have to think
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by SOS33 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow dude deep as hell and enjoyable as well....damn I loved it! I know what u mean about the subject, it does linger in my mind tho for some reason I've never been able to write a very good one about it yet, your words are so beautiful in a slightly twisted kinda way and I always connect that kind of beauty to your conviction becuause, although I'm not as good at it as you, it's my favorite kind. I know I"ve probably told you this before but you are seriously one of my favorite writers on elite. another faves add, keep em coming;)
    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that.
    It's so dark and violent, but in such a pretty way.
    The wording and descriptions are awesome.
    I can give you nothing but compliments.
    Very nicely done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I haven't read any of your other writes, so I don't know exactly how 'old' this theme might be getting. But personally, that really creeped me out. lol, which in this case is definately a good thing. There's not much I can say about it as there's an image in my head that's gonna be keeping me bed ridden and afraid of my shadow for quite some time; however, I really wanted to comment on this line:

    "Injecting Nightmares."
    -I wanted to point it out, not because it's faulty but because I really liked it. Nightmares being 'injected' is something I haven't really seen, but it speaks so metaphorically in the way that alot of nightmares are 'injected' in a sense. (Possibly from past memory or scary movie...*ahem* or scary poem :P). Anyway, apperantly you're really good at this theme - so if it's old or not, I just wanted to say...Holy Moly! lol. Excellent writing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      lol yeah it was good but the whole theme is getting old write about something new. Anyway, on this poem, it was deep and I can easily imagine the victim here. The write was really good and I liked it a lot. I got nothing much to say and If I remeber anymore I can tell you later but whatever I liked it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      This was deep as hell. I loved it. The title was great great great, lol. That kinda seems biased but trust me it's not. It's very nice write. To me the title "surgical tears" reminds me of a person who would have to go through immense torture and suffering for them to ever shed a tear. That's just what it reminds me of. Very nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      as a footnote to my last sub. I liked the way you switched the last stanza away from the one before by adding the letter "i" to immorality
    thusly making it into a sense of dying.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't say I want to bash you. It is right to the point about not believing the body will heal itself. The poem is about the danged fears about will those cutters and sewers of flesh do it correctly.
    I suspect you are hooked on houses of supposed healing because you do not like pain nor any the thought of it;therefore, you write about those who must endure such.
    I think the poem is a nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      well in my personal opinion, i would take out the entire last stanza....it's basically saying the same thing as the stanza before it...dieing/rotting praying/screaming. I would also take out the quotation marks in the 2nd to last stanza...visually speaking, they seem to stick out a little more than they should, which is probably because of the shortness in the lines.

    other than that i'm diggin this, other than the fact that insane asylums aka mental hospitals are nothing like this lol
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      dude this freaks me out . i like it. i enjoy how u explain asylums. i know(dont ask how) sylums rnt anything like this. keep it up. i (unlike some peep) like the repeating of the last stanza. it goes from dying to death with only a couple of words changd.
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    97134

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Giving written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Bond written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    To written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry