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Love not found

Author: musclebound350
ASL Info:    26/male
Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 197 /202 /70
Words: 56
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1140
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 337


Short and still working on it. Bad title name but needed something. I'd tell you what it's about but I'd like to see who understands it. GOOD constructive criticism. If it sucks well then use your freedom of speech, but please do make suggestions. : )

Love not found

for the love of which one dreams to find
will seek until the end of time
more and more the want to embrace
is mute when standing face to face
to the truth of which build the desire
a passion burning like a raging fire
that builds up inside our soul
enchanted until the truth's untold

Submitted on 2006-03-31 02:24:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This is an interesting poem. I like what you have here, short yet concise with a good message. The flow is pretty nice too but I did stumble with one line:

to the truth of which build the desire

I think perhaps this line is a bit too wordy and unclear. Maybe try reworking it. And in your last line:

enchanted until the truth's untold

Perhaps "untold" would be better expressed as "unfolds". My impression here is that things went bad when the truth finally was known and if that is the case then I think "unfolds" makes more sense. But I could be reading it wrong too so its up to you. Just my opinion for you. Otherwise a nice little poem you have here. Take care.

| Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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