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My Precious Melody

Author: slntfirflm
ASL Info:    26/F/CA
Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301 /331 /93
Words: 47
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1697
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 322


I guess things were too good to be true... but there is always another song nearby.

My Precious Melody

Silver Moon
lay me down to sleep;
so I can dream
of my precious melody.

No longer will I lie
in bitter surroundings,
but in the arms
of my precious melody.

Kiss of the hands,
the neck,
the lips
of only
my precious melody.

Submitted on 2006-03-31 11:56:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This was so beautiful, your emotion in such few lines was nothing short of admired. I really liked this and maybe I'm the only one who thought this but I would have loved to see a few more stanzas, other than that though I don't have any complaints about this one. your emotion was so strong here, you built up a nice tone while reading this.
=keep writing,
| Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  As simple and straightforward as this write is, it could benefit from further expandion on the multiple reasons why the love of your life seems to be your precious melody (other than the obvious love you feel for him). As it stands, it curiously reminds me of several lyrics found in Shakespeare plays (particularly later works such as "The Tempest"). Nicely done. Take care of yourself. Bill.
| Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  aw...this is so sweet!

i like how you refer to this person as a "precious melody"

and my favorite line of the whole poem is

"Silver Moon
lay me down to sleep"

it just seems very poetic to me and seems like it sets a nice tone or mood to the whole poem.

i thought over all this was really a pretty good poem. i liked it. but it also leaves the reader wondering...what happened this night that made her feel so overwhelmingly embrace by love that brings on these feelings and emotions?
what made that night such a great night? what makes your "precious melody" such a precious one.

maybe you could talk about your relationship or maybe how he treats you or something like that. just add a little more detail to it to give a little more insight. but stick the the brevity. that is a nice touch.

anyways whether you chose to add on or not i think this is a really sweet poem.
nice write! :-)
| Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]

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