Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I am the moon, you are my sun.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1059
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 741



    Description:
       I wrote this over a month ago so i cant recall what i meant. but the last stanza i just added today.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI am the moon, you are my sun.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Night
    turns to morning,
    with the crashing
    of ocean waves.

    Tears
    linger along
    the shore line;
    Are they from you...
    or me?

    Captivate
    the eternal star.
    place it
    in your palm.

    I gave
    this to you
    to show you
    who you are.

    Shadows
    of memories
    dance along
    my doorway,

    I can't
    recall
    with the
    passing
    of each day.

    Night
    turns to morning
    with the crashing
    of ocean waves.

    Will you
    sit beside me
    and watch
    the moon
    and sun
    play?




    Submitted on 2006-03-31 12:04:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked the feel of this one & it was a bit melancholy but romantically. I loved, "Tears
    linger along
    the shore line;" that just brought a vision to my mind of searching and waiting though the waves are crashig upon the shore touching it all along.

    Great!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very nice! I think this was incredibly beautiful and I agree with vintage, the last stanza makes the poem what it is. I love poems that incorporate nature into them. And when I think about the sun and the moon playing, I think of an eclipse, how the two cross paths... Sounds kind of like love, doesn't it? This was a great poem, and definitely a favorite. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      one. love the title
    two. love the content.
    three. love the short length of the stanzas

    i really liked this poem. i love the way you've played a lot of natural elements into this. giving it a sort of earthly, kind of immortal, in-human tone.

    and i love the message of it. it is specific yet vague enough to apply to multiple different situations. and thats great.

    i must say i think without that last stanza this simply would not be complete. i think that was a very nice touch

    and this,

    "Captivate
    the eternal star.
    place it
    in your palm.

    I gave
    this to you
    to show you
    who you are."

    is by far my favorite part of this poem.

    this was very nicely done in my mind. i rather enoyed this piece of yours!

    great write! :-)
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    97209

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry