this poem has me thinking high and low, and though a very well written poem and i understand everything in it... i can not find the meaning... it has in short confused me beyond repair. I have not slept in a few days though so it could just be simply that... i would have to say that your poem acts more like a puzzle and somewhat of a game than an actual story... it seems... somewhat distant though... mheh... sorry for rambling... lol and sorry for not being able to figure out your poem. enjoy
Hmm, well, I'd have to guess this poem is about getting into college. Of course, its only a guess, and not a very good one at that. I found the whole poem to be rather vague... you have some interesting images (the aquamarine dream, the bleeding daffodil) but they are unfulfilling. I want you to expand and give me some more beautiful information, I want to know exactly what your talking about in this poem and you can tell me without being explicit. Honestly I don't think any of the other critiquers knew what the poem was about either... all they did was make vague offhanded comments about the meaning.
I like the two line stanzas, they are strong and consistent, but the three line stanzas and the "now" hanging out by itself feel and look (structurally and asthetically) out of place. Thee only place it works is the very first "Three", That part is attention grabbing. I might think about keeping a uniform structure, but that detail is nit-picky and really up to you.
Time changes everything. One day you'll look back upon these as the good old days. We all do. I think you've captured the anxiety of that particular time in life. The future comes into question, life lies ahead with no certainties, we all felt as though we carried "a cross". Enough of preaching.
I enjoyed your poem. It conveyed your meaning, kept me interested throughout, and was different from others of this ilk. It had a spark of originality. What is your "aquamarine dream"?
I found it intriguing to try and pull the poem apart and try to decipher the meaning you cleverly sewed into it. But I must admit I cannot figure it out. So I'll ask you :) about it. Perhaps if I knew you and your work better, it would be easier for me to understand. My curiosity drove me to comment here!
Three long years I've waited for this year to come.
Three short months torture me.
My road ahead to my aquamarine dream is tedious.
Three years, now, three months I must (bear).
My long wait burdens me with a cross of mine own.
Bury it (in) the ground of jasper and spill the blood of a daffodil.
As I count down the days of these next three months.'
At the age of 18 there can be no doubt you've waited (im)patiently to explore the world outside childhood/ parental restrictions (graduation from high school, attending college, leaving home, finding a career, becoming a homeowne, etc.).
The structure works well with the theme of new life rising from the soil of home. My nitpicks are in parentheses in the body of the write.
I think I am rather decent at deciphering poetry, and from what I have read this is about going through three full years of high school and at the time you wrote this piece it was around the beginning of you senior quarter.
I thought that maybe the use of the word aquamarine symbolised a blue cap and gown or perhaps you were just referring to some sort of aquatic adventure that you were going to partake in at the end of high school or perhaps that you were moving on to study marine biology.
I really didn't get the last few to verses. They are very vague. The third verse seems to hint at the fact that you are carrying a cross to your own crucifixion, but nothing about graduating seems to scream getting your wrists nailed to a cross until your body atrophys, unless you are saying that after high school your life is going to be rather lethargic because you will have nothing to do. I have no idea why you would be waiting to atrophy though. On the other hand maybe you are just saying you are working your way through these three months to your metaphorical resurrection.
The second to last verse is where I realy get lost. I don't really get the referrence to the gem jasper. I figured you might be using it's color to symbolise something, but jasper comes in a vast array of solid colored and multi-colored gems. It is generally thought of as being red, so perhaps it is a referrence to blood on the ground after a crucifixion, and perhaps it is the blood of other people who have gone through the same experience you are talking about, and the daffodil in the poem is you.
Perhaps I am dead wrong. Perhaps I am spot on, but either or this was pretty good. At least it got me thinking some. Thank you for your comments on my poems, I assure I will be reading more of them later. ~Brent