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    dots Submission Name: Fairy Tale Philosophydots

    Author: obscureskies
    ASL Info:    19/F/Fredericton NB
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 11/17/15
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1131


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    dotsFairy Tale Philosophydots

    Strewn upon the floor, staring up at the wall
    Evidence present of a great fall
    All of the love-clad knights upon horse
    Couldnít make up for regrets and remorse

    I pick up the pieces and walk to the road
    I travel the path of the seeds I have sewn
    I ask no questions and tell no lies
    The birds are all singing sweet songs of demise

    Panic-stricken and red in the cheeks
    Limbs hot and heavy from travelling for weeks
    Iíve dropped so many pieces along the way
    That the image they create will forever be changed

    Fatigued and parched, I fall to my knees
    I guess that no one has heard my pleas
    Life is a continuously bubbling stream
    Itís never gentle, and itís anything but a dream

    So, donít wait for me at the golden gates
    If you do, you might be too late
    The stairway to heaven is slippery and steep
    And the pits of hell are far too deep
    Phlegyasí toll is never cheap
    And God is dead in eternal sleep

    Alas, I have naught to do but weep.

    Submitted on 2006-04-01 00:37:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't quite get the title, but it is a great title. The poem invokes a strange sense of longing in me. Longing for deeper thought. I liked the poem overall, but it did have a few problems. For one, it seemed to have no rhythm in some places, while in others, it was beautiful. I would have gone with one or the other, but both makes it seem a bit erratic. The grammar was a bit off in some places. Verb and noun pluralities, mostly. Other than that, it worked out well...but I still don't get the title @_@
    Wishing for more
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think I have much to add to the other two comments you received. I agree with all that was said. I love the way you took familiar stories and put your own twist on everything. I am adding this to my favs.
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this, I think it shows that you must be a very observant person that thinks of the wider picture, because of all your different analogies. and i love the way your imagination shines through with the detail of the stairway to heaven. Well done, i'll be looking at more of your work. charlie x
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Charlie Poppins | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read some of your other poems, and I love all of them. I love this piece because first, your telling a story, second, it rhymes with a flow, and third it makes sense completely even with all the rhyming. I love the last part, about the golden gates, I think that was beautiful. I can't wait to read more writes by you. I love your writing style.

    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by emanol | [ Reply to This ]

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