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    dots Submission Name: Two Thirty-Fivedots

    Author: obscureskies
    ASL Info:    19/F/Fredericton NB
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 11/17/15
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802


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    dotsTwo Thirty-Fivedots

    Waiting for the pills to take effect
    I wander up and down these halls again
    Socked feet pad up and down stairs
    Pacing in time to the hands on the clock
    Etching numbers into my brain
    One o’clock two o’clock two thirty-five

    When did this train derail?
    When was it that I lost control?
    The tracks became slick and warped
    My wheels no longer fit the treads
    The panoramic view converged into black
    One pixel at a time, as not to mislead

    For really, we choose the paths we walk
    The choice is ours when we
    Lay me down to sleep at night
    And wake up slowly in the morning
    We all want anything other than
    What lies upon us; we crave to know
    What lies above and beyond us

    Submitted on 2006-04-01 00:44:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is real lame but i'm gonna say it anyway
    i can't telly ou how many times i've felt like that
    just wandering around in that tired [censored]ed up state of mind

    the writing is done well. You payed close attention to the details of the setting... something i always look for when im reading the poetry on here, not to many people do it though.
    iw ould just be a little more specific tot he setting the beginning few lines maybe describe whether your in a house or whereever you are so the reader has an easier way to picture whats going on
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by NeonOrangePrize | [ Reply to This ]
      "Waiting for the pills to take effect
    I wander up and down these halls again"

    This is my favorite part of this poem. I feel like that when I take caffeine pills/LoL.

    The last part about us being able to choose our own paths, that's really inspiring. And wanting what we don't have, or trying to find out the future while neglecting the here and now, I love that. It sounds like you put so much thought into this piece, or you just have natural talent. I love that in your poetry, they all teach something.

    Although I gotta admit, the title was what really drew me to this piece. I wanted to know how on earth someone could make a poem titled that, but you wrote an amazing one.

    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by emanol | [ Reply to This ]

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