Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Put Them To Beddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: obscureskies
    ASL Info:    19/F/Fredericton NB
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 11/17/15
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 836
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 634



    Description:
       Wrote this one in '05.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPut Them To Beddots
    -------------------------------------------


    put them to bed
    all of those unanswered prayers
    just put them to bed, now
    tuck them in tight
    pull the covers up over their
    shining, radiant faces
    sing them a lullabye
    and put them to bed
    creep from the room
    and donít check up on them
    shut the door tight
    and listen to them shriek
    loudly wailing tormented screams
    alone in darkness most putrid
    put them to bed
    listen to them suffocate inside
    silently witness their last gasps for air
    and walk away
    knowing that youíre the only one
    who put them to bed




    Submitted on 2006-04-01 00:46:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like your talking about God ignoring the pleas. I didnt like the repetitive put them to bed thing. Sorry. It seems like you just picked that metaphor to further add tuck in those prayers and stuff the covers over. I guess it could be additionally something of innocense, since children are the only ones that get tucked in and we're all gods children, but won't assume things by what I read.

    I think the poem gets most its effect from the shock value there, suffocating those unanswered prayers. It's pretty good but not enough to say wow, it was too much put them to bed repetition for me.
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by huebos | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, um... this poem is pretty deep. I don't really understand why you're putting the unanswered prayers in the bed to suffocate, but your choice of words makes the poem really great, the fact that it is questioned says your poem makes people think. And people need to think, I think.

    ~Emanol
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by emanol | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    97313

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry