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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wanteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 963



    Description:
       This piece is meant to articulate a person who finally discovers that some things in life are no one's fault. Things happen which some would blame on god/fate/karma, but in order to be happy and fulfilled one must leave such notions behind with the past, no matter how painful it might be or how much is left behind in it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWanteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wanted runs tirelessly
    For nothing more than the drop of a coin.

    But once he found himself
    Under the notes' sweet cascade,
    Long-held hopes of tall oaks fade;
    Their sounds washed over his ears.

    Being himself was never enough,
    And the loss was something great.
    Socked by constant reminders
    Of things not to wait for.

    So they take him away
    If just for the lifespan
    Of a matador.

    And he imagines their tones
    Crying on the river banks,
    Drying in the sun,
    Eaten with a glass of wine.

    The past’s hard shrapnel
    Took more than his life,
    And he died every day
    At the hands of a whore.

    Yet finally,
    He swam to the edge of his realm,
    Willing the earth to rush to his feet.

    And as every cell fell apart
    He climbed around the world.




    Submitted on 2006-04-01 00:49:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I found this piece very descriptive and narrative. You tell it as it is and nothing more. I don't think you have put enough emotions into this piece. You flat out describe an event or a story which relates to the theme you are trying to portray to other people. I don't find nothing wrong with it but i just thought that maybe you should add a bit more emotions. It's not really running as smooth as it could have been.

    However, i did enjoy the theme behind it. It is true. Certain things in life just happens and it's not like somebody out there is trying to get to us or to punish us....even reward us. I found that a lot of people think they are being punished because in the previous life they were bad peple. Others think that a relationship isn't working because the other isn't contributing. When in reality, Things just happen whether we like it or not. There is no strings attached to anything else. But that's just me.

    Hope i was of some help. Take care....
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      this peice makes me want to write a story. I don't know why this makes me think of love gone wrong along with not knowing what to do about it....but it does. I see this poor man and he must be seeing his own death. and they mourn him....while drinking it away and his love is with someone else and life is such an ugly thing sometimes. twisted and warped and you cn do nothing about it. and all you can do is stand there and watch. hmm....thank you for this. I enjoy your work.
    briannan
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]



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