count down from seven -------------------------------------------
seven...six...five...four
god is dead and lifes a whore
three...two...one
fun fun fun a loaded gun
seven...six...five...four
a shot rings out a thud on the floor
three...two...one
you wouldn't care but the deed is done
It's nice, and it really gets stuck in your head. But it started off better in the beginning then in the end. It felt like you were forcing it there. Just think about it a little bit more before you write...I guess. Still, it's a unique twist on an old topic. Cheers, ~Persephone~
Catchy way of writing about suicide! But I feel that you shouldn't have repeated 'seven six five four' after the first 'three two one'. It would have been more arresting if 'three two one' was followed by a powerful end-line.
Submission Name: count down from seven
