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    dots Submission Name: Her Plunging Neck-linedots

    Author: The Gadfly
    ASL Info:    52/M/Moreno Valley, CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 1048/1348/375
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 808

       A little twist of fate.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHer Plunging Neck-linedots

    It was difficult not to look.
    As much as I wanted to turn away,
    my eyes became transfixed, locked
    on the gentle sway of her body.

    Though I had seen others like this before,
    she was a first. A beautiful woman
    who drew every man's eye;
    her public display, nothing short of a scandal.

    I asked a stranger standing next to me.
    He too could not take his eyes off her.
    He shrugged his shoulders and coughed
    nervously, before answering in a whisper.

    "This is my first time here," he said,
    "I heard she murdered her husband in his sleep."
    We watched her body dance, swaying slowly,
    adorned by the braided necklace of the hangman.

    The Gadfly

    Submitted on 2006-04-01 08:51:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the twist at the end, like soo many other people on here agreed was unexpected, but I really enjoyed the whole thing, it was well written, piquing your intrigue more and more as you read it until the end when only really a portion of your questions are answered. Like did she really murder her husband? is she really what you thought in the first half of the poem? I greatly enjoyed this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending here was definitely unexpected, as intended. Good job of luring the reader in and setting the hook. I didn't see it coming, and it was delightful!

    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Superb! The title and the stanzas lull you into thinking of a 'scandal', definitely. What is so different about her? Why is she a 'first'? Why does she attract EVERY man's eye?
    And then - WHAM! The end-line reveals all.
    Oooh, you should direct a movie.
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      The title completely throws you off. Its suiting, but at the same time, I expected a completely different piece. Theres alot of different senarios running through my mind now, trying to develop the womans character. I think that may be the purpose. The characters in the poem are trying to figure her out, and so, the readers want to discover more about her too. To me, I see it going more than one way. This seems to take place in a bar, and the woman, to me, doesn't seem to know shes causing this much of a stir. She seems wrapped up in her own world. At the same time, theres a bit of a stigmatism on society and "gossip."
    I don't know if that is some of the meaning your trying to convey, but this piece is intruiging!
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was amazing! Was half-way expecting this to be like so many other poems, but it kept me thinking until the end, and the twist was quite unexpected! I think I'll be reading some more of your work :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Anyua | [ Reply to This ]

    I enjoyed this very much. As I have come to expect from you, this is very well written.

    The lead in and ending twist work. The descriptions are well woven into the flow.

    I tend to read poems at many levels. This speaks to many of them. On the surface it is a well-told story. Beneath that there is a message about temptation and where it leads for both the tempted and the temptress. On a much broader scale I see this as a projection of reflection on Eve's fate for having taken Adam from the garden. Hmm... lots to chew on here.

    Great write.

    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      That was incredible! Kudos to you...I've never read anything quite like this...The title intrigued me, because I've read some of your writing before and couldn't figure out why you'd be talking about a plunging neckline...And then I read it...You talk about this beautiful woman...and although the descriptions of her are compelling, I still didn't know where you were going with it...And then I read the end! I love it!
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]

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