Description: so the thing is, i dont feel anymore. hence this...thing.
i was told to write what i was thinking - this is what came out. i really dislike it a great deal. i mean, obviously i would have deleted it if i hated it. i like the ADDesque nature of it, but it doesnt satisfy me, & therefore i loathe it.
oh well. comment. criticize. i'm going to go make tea.
rhythm of rain matching
rhythm of hearts
those are horrible lines and
i'm still losing the fight.
but if you havent fallen down yet
it must mean something.
step one: try to feel.
five o'clock and
(i like to switch from
first person to second
mid-poem and
it annoys everyone.)
your friends are lying
underneath the bridge,
but you're trying so hard
to be the rain.
(i like to fight,
not for the results, but
for the fight itself.)
this isnt something i enjoy.
i keep thinking that the
static life is my enemy.
change - a different format.
but one that sounds unnatural?
maybe this is why people
concentrate on meter.
(maybe this is why i dont write this way)
but at least i'm amused.
i swear, all the music
(& all the boys to lie to)
in the world cant help this.
let go.
of what?
i think my problem is
never holding on to start.
I like the fight. The fight is what makes me feel alive and this poem feels alive to me. Loathe- good word. This would be a high school English teachers worst nightmare, a poem that works in such an unorthodox way. Good one again.
Whatever you think of what you have written, the epiphany of the last line was worth all the tension created throughout the write. Your conclusion was most telling and accurate and lends itself to the title and mood you were in.
This was one of those rare times I have enjoyed the parenthetical interruptions (distractions) in the format you deployed. Too often, those "asides" have little or no context to the reader. Yet the way you crafted this poem worked amazingly well.
I got it. Unfortunately, because it is about apathy, I don't care that I did.
This read very choppy and distant but i think it worked for what you were saying, i got another free style shout out feeling from this one i loved it. You have a wonderful way with words and flow with this type of rhythm. Hope you have a wonderful day , this was another good one. Talk to you soon. Ciao for now. Amber
Submission Name: apathy.
