Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: How Long Have Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Robert Neville
    ASL Info:    16/m/London
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 10/192/232
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1094



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow Long Have Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    How Long have you been standing there
    so vacant
    a see through stare
    are you self aware
    or do you know
    that you looked right through me
    well thats the story of my life
    and it soon will become yours
    the truth usually hurts
    but
    that no reason to do this
    i know, i should know
    but i dont know how
    you feel
    inside
    are you dead?
    are you dying?
    whats wrong in your head?
    are you even trying?

    its not easy to change your ways
    but on the cold London streets
    you try and drag me into your car
    i ask
    how long have you been s......
    before i could even finish
    she had ran
    she ran away
    she just point blank
    ran away


    although i was never there
    i heard about this stare
    its so cold
    why dont you wrap up
    its all a controdiction
    your world may be ending
    but dont blame god
    after all
    he is only human





    Submitted on 2006-04-02 12:25:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i didn't quite get what this meant but there's something there.seems like there's something more to say of what it is about,more details,i agree.i liked the five last lines though.tkecre!
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by raineces | [ Reply to This ]
      im not sure what your poem was about....if you were to write it deeper and go more into detail so others can relate or undestand more to what you were portraying here......
    i liked some of the words you used here though...dont blame God after all hes only human....that was not what i was expecting at the end, and i liked the way that was like the best part of what you wrote....
    Lotsaluv
    God Bless
    Nadine
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    97473

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry