Description: Well this is really just about a disease i am said to have haha, yea i pick at my skin until i bleed, i do not know why i do this, i just like the thought of digging holes on hard new flesh, aye you could say im a freak yea it would link to my name :P
"And the release of endorphins
engulf the rush of blood
to its central point"
I think what most people don't understand, people that don't scratch/cut/rub skin raw/those type of things, is that it really does release endorphins. That you feel this undeniable need to do so. That you feel this nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach if you don't do it.... That when you finally release that need to see the blood, to feel the endorphins, you feel this release of everything. Like you have control, like you are okay for that instant. I would know because I have these feelings....
It is true, though, that these feelings are in your head. Something, I don't know what, in your head is a little off. That doesn't make you a freak, it just means that you have a different coping mechanism than others. I really don't think you are a freak.
This is a great piece because of the honesty, the vulnerability. Thank you for sharing this piece with your heart on your sleeve
I actually know a few people with habits like these, and I don't think any of them are freaks. Neither are you.
As has been said, in most of these circumstances - cutting, scratching, whatever it is - yes, I do believe that it is in the head. Looking for a rush, maybe even just doing it out of habit, it's familiar and routine and well, you just can't stop doing it.
I don't know exactly what "disorder" I guess this is, but I agree with dawn, you should try to stop if you are still doing it. You can scratch and pick until your entire body is covered with scars and not feel a single bit better. Try to replace it with something else, say maybe, poetry? Everytime you feel the need to scratch or pick, grab a pen (don't use the pen on your skin!) and write what it is that you are feeling that is driving you to scratch. As you write, you may find yourself no longer needing to do it. Try it and see if it works. ...bb...
It's not the same as "Cutting." I used to scratch my legs until they bled. I chose my legs so that no one else would know what I was doing- you don't have to wear shorts well, ever. But eventually you grow out of that stuff. Some people take longer than others and for most they just move on to a worse addiction or better yet, hobby. There is a disorder associated with this habit, it is linked to feelings of inadequecy, beleive it or not perfectionism- or fear of not having control over a particular situation. Divorce, seperation, anxiety, break up, moving? Whatever the [censored] try to stop because as the scars you wear on the inside are hidden those others make a nervous disorder a little more obvious to the outside world, and sadly people out here are less than understanding as you already know. And yeah, the problem does lay beneath your skin, but scratching or picking doesn't let it out.
I think it's called being a cutter, though in your case you would be a scratcher. I'm no expert on the field but I'd probably asume the problem is in your head as well
"The feeling of persistence Comes all from the hard sharp nails Their strategically formed curves"
What catched my attention is that nails usually aren't very sharp, you can't prick yourself with them so to speak, and I'm not really sure if they have strategically formed curves, at least, not like some of the better looking female breasts have to lure in the weaker members of the male species.
"And the release of endorphins engulf the rush of blood to its central point"
I like those lines better, it's a subtle way to refer back to the theme in a natural way without being too obvious.
"Treatment was recalled about this for many a time but my sisters theory was correct"
The first line reads a bit strange and I don't think I'm exactly following you there. "sisters" should be "sister's". All in all I'd say this poem could use some more work.
Wow, that definitely took me more than one time to understand what you were saying (I think). Well, what I got from it was that you have the urge to peel your skin, andyour sister told you it's all in your head. And I'm guessing by 'treatement' you mean psychatrist or psychologist for help.
Anyway, I'm glad you have the description at the top, otherwise I'd be completely lost. I did like the repetition of "it's all up there." It had a nice flow. I'm also impressed with the ending "but my sisters theory was correct/it's all up there."
The only recommendation to you is maybe put more detail into it, as to WHY you want to do this to yourself (I know it's in the description, but it'd be nice if it were in the poem as well). Also, in "sisters theory was correct," 'sisters' should be 'sister's'. Sorry, it's just this infactuation I have with grammar.