Hidden Hell by Inducted

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Submission Name: Hidden Hell dots

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Author:	Inducted_Kitty
Elite Ratio:	4.3 - 307/422/109
Words:	134

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	219
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	805

Description:
What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

Hidden Hell dots

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Pounding at the iron gates of my soul
Not being allowed access of admittance or permission to leave - I am tired...

My efforts are ceaseless, but not nearly enough
to satisfy the hungry beast within me - I am afraid...

My life is but ashes now, sitting in a burnt chalice, where evil lurks in the shadows, laughing at me...

And, I am alive, without life...

How does a life full of joy and happiness
become a perilous journey of hate?

And how does a soul - once heaven bound,
Pray for death, as a release?

Our Father who art in Heaven - he is no more...
No more real than my own hell...
Darkness and no answers from prayers
Ah, well, 'tis just as well...

Submitted on 2006-04-02 15:38:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
this piece is so very sad, but i do like it a lot and i disagree with amber_in_wyomin, it does not need to be longer and there is no other problems, in this piece i really liked and few stanzas and one is

"My efforts are ceaseless, but not nearly enough
to satisfy the hungry beast within me - I am afraid..."
i like this once because it reminds me of when you try so hard to do something or to get something and then you can't i see that as a failure, no matter what you do it is just wrong kinda thing.

a line that i really liked was
"I am alive, without life..."
this line just really reminds me of a good friend, who i can't really see any more, he moved away but this discribes him to a tee.

and the last stanza that i really liked was
"Our Father who art in Heaven - he is no more...
No more real than my own hell...
Darkness and no answers from prayers
Ah, well, 'tis just as well..."
and i really like this once because it starts off in a prayer but then breaks to say that god isn't real, and i like that because so many people are scared to say stuff like that because they don't want to offened any one. Good write.

~liz~

| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
This was alright, i think you should add on to it, i can see talent shining through the few lines that are here, but i can feel there is more to be read from this piece. Also you repeated allowed im not sure if you meant to or if it was a typo error but i thought i would point it out so you knew. I have to run but i will hopefully hear from you soon? Ciao for now love, Amber
| Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]

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