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    dots Submission Name: Storm Warningdots

    Author: secretdream0
    ASL Info:    21/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 48/46/22
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 761

       just another one of those sappy break up poems. tell me i can do to improve....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStorm Warningdots

    the clouds that gather in my heart
    replace the sunshine there
    because i sense we've grown apart-
    do you, my love, still care?
    we were so very much in love-
    at least i was with you.
    i thought you felt the same as i,
    and deep commitment, too,
    but it seems to me you've changed-
    there's something in your eyes
    that seeems to find the perfect time
    to say those last good byes.
    i love you more than life itself,
    and yet a love that grows
    in just one heart is doomed to fade-
    like petals on a rose.
    but if i have just memories
    of you, they too will fade,
    and sunshine will dissolve the clouds
    that losing you has made.

    Submitted on 2006-04-03 00:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      That was very original! I liked it, going to add it to my faves.

    but if i have just memories
    of you, they too will fade,
    and sunshine will dissolve the clouds
    that losing you has made.

    That line struck me the most. Its really beautiful, you have a good way with the words here.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this poem! I think that everyone here has experienced feelings such as the ones in your work at some time in their lives! You did a wonderful job of letting us in through your eyes. Everything flowed so nicely and this was a very easy write to follow. GREAT JOB.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by kapow | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this poem should go on "Chicken Soup for the Teenage soul", why? Well, when I was a little bit younger than I am now, I used to read alot of those books,and I used to see alot of the same type of poems the exact same way you rhymed it and did the whole syllable thing giving gaps between each stanza, u know? I also think it has perfect teenage reading capability. It was not a great poem, just one many teens I think could relate to right now.

    -We are gods unwanted children...
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      This, unlike most of what is on eliteskills, is exceptionally good. The rhyming is natural, the imagery tangible, and you've managed to navigate a cliché ridden theme with little cliché. It's really somewhat beautiful. I like it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]

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