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    dots Submission Name: Sun, Moon and Starsdots

    Author: obscureskies
    ASL Info:    19/F/Fredericton NB
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 11/17/15
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 793

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsSun, Moon and Starsdots

    Stars sparkle through the dead night sky
    And the tears reflect their brilliance as they
    Drop silently off my cheeks
    They fall and shatter, like the notions that conjured them

    Lush, like the flesh of a peach
    Two bodies mingled and intertwined
    Ecstasy shot through each vein
    The silence thereafter overwhelmingly icy

    Cut so deep and bleeding so fast
    Crimson rivers flow over blanketed wasteland
    The sun never shone so cold
    And the moon never felt so alone

    Too much to say, it comes out wrong
    Words twist and slice through good intentions
    Obscured and drunk, I crave the pain
    I follow a dream into the unknown
    But I know a dream it will forever remain.

    Submitted on 2006-04-03 00:34:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      my god kal.......when I read your poetry, I dont even have anything to say. Im just like, "oh my god......."
    you turn words into so much more.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by sugargirlplur | [ Reply to This ]
      I adore this one. It takes give emotion and power in the words. Each one is entwined with a very powerful meaning, whether you meant it to be that way or not. I liked the details and such, and I will want to see more you've written.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by No_purpose | [ Reply to This ]
      there's a lot of really good lines in this, i like the way you seem to find paradoxes to emphasise how you feel, i particularly liked 'the sun shone cold'. well done, charlie x
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Charlie Poppins | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nicely written. It reads very easy and I really liked how you used the elements to emphasize your feelings.

    "Crimson rivers flow over blanketed wasteland"
    This was an excellent line...very vivid

    Well done
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

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