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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Teeny Tiny (2nd Excerpt)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 1309
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 412
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 8035



    Description:
        This is the second excerpt from my story. It was originally written in italics, because it is a flashback to a conversation between the two main charactors that gives a bit of background information, and sets the stage for the rather strange incident that has occured. So, tell me what you think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTeeny Tiny (2nd Excerpt)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    " If I had a magic wand, I would make you teeny-tiny and keep you in my pocket." Trinity looked at her ex-boyfriend with a mix of amusement and surprise. He grinned at her.
    "Okay, I'll play along," she said, "Which pocket?" The two of them were standing on the machine that filled the cans with product, carrying on this conversation as Drew constantly refilled the device that carried the lids to be fused with the cans.
    "My inside jacket pocket." Trinity rolled her eyes. She knew what pocket he was really thinking about.
    "It would get terribly stuffy in there," she replied, "How would I keep from suffocating?" Drew wiggled a finger at her.
    "I've already thought about that," he said, "I would have that magic wand, so I would shrink you a humidifier." Trinity frowned thoughtfully. The thought flittered through her mind that she certainly hadn't picked him for his intellect.
    "A humidifier?" She just shook her head in disbelief. He nodded furiously. She turned, as if to leave, and then reconsidered. This was shaping up to be quite an interesting conversation.
    "Okay, so you've got this magic wand," she said, "Why would you want to use it to make me small enough to carry around in your pocket?"
    "Well, because then I could take you out and talk to you whenever I wanted to."
    "And why on earth would you want to do that?" Trinity was finding this conversation pretty ludacris. At the same time, she was thinking it was better than sitting by herself in the Q.C. lab.
    "Cause then I could pull you out of my pocket and be like, I just ate a Snickers," Drew was obviously pleased with his answer. Trinity just looked at him, trying to decide if he was even remotely serious.
    "And my only purpose in life would be to amuse you, and to talk to you whenever you wanted?" she asked. He nodded.
    "Well, what kind of life is that?" she said, " I need a purpose of some sort." He looked at her seriously this time.
    "What's your purpose now?" She didn't have an answer.
    "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said. "You're just like me. You work at this bullshit job, and have to struggle to make ends meet. If you were in my pocket, you wouldn't have to worry about shit like that." Trinity turned over his answer in her head. He just told her that he had no purpose. What about that girlfriend of his that he broke her heart in order to attain? What about his newborn daughter? Were they not considered a purpose?
    "And of all the people in the world that you could make itty-bitty, you would choose me?" Drew nodded.
    "Why?" Drew just shrugged. Trinity figured she could pretty much answer that question. Drew may have decided that he himself did not want her, or he didn't want her at this current point in time. But apparently she had something going for her, because he certainly didn't want anyone else to have her. She was pretty sure, despite how preposterous the conversation was, that if he had been able to do as he was saying, he would. Just so he could keep her all for himself.
    "So, you just want to make me teeny-tiny, and keep me all for yourself, so that I can amuse you as you see fit?" she asked.
    "Yep," Drew nodded in agreement. Trinity shook her head.
    "That's pretty selfish of you," she said, "keeping me all to yourself when there are other people out there that might miss me."
    "Like who?" Drew asked. Trinity frowned at him. What was he trying to insinuate? That she wouldn't be missed?
    "Well, like my family," she said. "If I just suddenly stopped showing up at Jessie's every weekend, I imagine she would miss her chauffeur. And Ariel. What about her?" Drew thought about this for a moment.
    "I could shrink them, too, so you would have company." Trinity shook her head in exasperation.
    "Well, we'd get awfully bored," she said, "Just hanging out in your pocket. How would we go shopping or do any of the things that we normally do?"
    "I could make you a mall out of Legos," Drew said, "And amusement parks. And I could get you one of those big three or four story dollhouses to live in." Trinity rubbed her temples wearily.
    "Why don't you just go ahead and shrink my whole damn family while you're at it?" she asked. Drew grinned.
    "I could do that," he said, "just have the whole Chase-Thomas family in my pockets. I'd have to shrink Poopsie for sure." Poopsie was the nickname that some of the guys that she had previously worked with had given her mom. Unfortunately for her, it was the only nickname that had ever stuck. Her real name was Nancy.
    "Oh, I don't think so," Trinity said, "If you do that, you better keep her in a different pocket." Drew grinned even wider than Trinity thought was possible.
    "I would," he said, "And if you pissed me off, I'd take her out, and just be like, Poopsie, get 'er." He seemed rather pleased with this idea.
    "She'd probably bite you," Trinity said, with a smile on her face at the thought of her mother, shrunk to about six inches tall, latching on to Drew's finger with her teeth, "She's not all that fond of you these days." Drew gave her his customary, "who gives a damn?" shrug.
    "Well, you'd have to protect me," Trinity said, "I mean, if you got another pet. It might eat me." Drew smiled.
    "It'd be kind of fun to feed you to a snake," he said. Trinity's jaw dropped. She turned to leave. Drew grabbed her arm, pulled her back, and tweaked her nose.
    "I'm just kidding," he said, "I'd have to decide between about five minutes of amusement, or a lifetime of having a teeny-tiny Trinity in my pocket. I'd pick you, of course." Trinity just looked at him, thinking that he'd never picked her over anything else.Why start now?
    "Hmmm..." she murmured, pretty much tired of the discussion, "What would happen when you got tired of me? I hope your magic wand has a reverse button to make me big again. Or would you just feed me to a snake?" Drew grinned at her again, obviously not detecting the sarcasm in her voice.
    "I'd make you big again," he said, "Or I could sell you." Trinity shook her head at him, quite chagrined.
    "Who would want a teeny-tiny Trinity?" she asked. Drew laughed, and rushed to push the stop button on the machine that they were standing on. He grabbed an empty can off the filler, and threw it in the trash.
    " I could sell you to Joey," he said, "I bet he'd spend money on something like that. Or Pappy." He was referring to mutual friends.
    "What on earth would they do with me?" she asked. Drew pushed the start button, and the filler grinded to life again.
    "Oh, you know," he said, grinning. Trinity looked at him, all kinds of thoughts running through her head about what someone might do to her teeny-tiny body.
    "Just how small are we talking, anyway?" she asked. Drew rubbed his chin, as if in thought.
    "About Tinkerbell size," he said.
    "I'd have to wear Barbie clothes," Trinity thought about what a nightmare that this would present. Drew gave her a devious grin.
    "Barbie's got some pretty sexy clothes," he replied.




    Submitted on 2006-04-03 07:53:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well I just read it but I am sooo sleepy I don't know if I can accurately crtique this to the depth it deserves. But I like it. Just simple as that. I think that you have the characters down. But you should totally put me in there more. I make that story shine b*tch. And Jess and the real slim shady if there is room. Man I am sooo sleepy. I was planning to watch Jessie's play this Saturday. At like 7-ish right?? OKay then. Well. I guess I will talk to you later. Bah...
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a cute story...definately a conversation of dreaminess intertwined with real scenarios. You added just enough descriptions of what was going on around them with the job. Not so much so that it distracted from the conversation they were having, very well done on that part. Sounds to me like she is smart enough though to not let him keep her in his pocket.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I found this rather entertaining... a bit long winded with some of the 'he said' 'she said' dialog but I suppose since it's a flashback you would need the additional info for it to make sense.

    It seems to be building up to something bigger between the two characters and in true flashback style has the elements of a bittersweet memory of a discussion or interaction that is triggered by another thought or piece of music or an image...

    You write very well and it's easy to read and captivating.

    Bring it on.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by sugar-n-spice | [ Reply to This ]


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