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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black Down Whitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unnatainable
    ASL Info:    20/F/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 48/42/23
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 670



    Description:
       if you cant get it its about writing itself with a bit of an emo stab if you know what i mean.. thiws is one of my personal faves!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack Down Whitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    a pessimists cry
    of distort and disdain
    the colour of red
    all over again

    a beginning, an end
    a story, a fashion
    a hollow existance
    is losing its passion

    the simplest of songs
    of imaginary cost
    of falling apart
    of finding the lost

    a word of the ink
    a syllable of hope
    the string of content
    a slice that can cope

    the lines remind
    that look in your eye
    that remorsful stain
    of where they cried

    a paper of white
    the black ink line
    your voids are in vain
    to last all of time




    Submitted on 2006-04-03 08:35:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      intense. reminds me of my own writing. sharp and to the point. kind of like daggers in the form of words. deep but vague.

    good work.

    the only thing is, your flow is off a little.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]
      i like some of the iamgery you used and the general flow of the peice.. but I think you need a theme, an answer for "so what?" that ties everything together. the story a fashion part, seems to force the lines fashion and passion to rythm because faashion doesnt go with story.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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