Description: Thoughts, comments, anything is welcome...
The Road -------------------------------------------
Who knows what I’ve spoken to the darkness
While I’ve got burn marks running down my face
Can’t seem to see this beauty that’s around me
All sense of self has left without a trace
As nightfall in winter that comes without a star
Every vision of perfection comes with a mar
The unsure plunge forward yet strong men forsake
Unknown is the winding path that you must take
So keep on smiling, girl
Do what you have to do
Lay with the shadows until a star comes through
This is a pretty good poem. I do have a couple of suggestions for you. First, I would break this up into stanzas. Second, you have a couple different rhyme schemes here and I think it would be better overall if you stuck with one the whole way through the poem. It would help the flow of the poem. I fell into the rhyme scheme that you established in the first four lines and I thought that was good, but then you changed it to rhyming every line and I found it a bit distracting. Just my opinion of course. I like this I just think you could make it better with more consistency. Welcome to Elite. Take care.
tis really nice. i liked it.the flow and rhyming's pretty. i loved the last line..'lay with the shadows until a star comes through'..beautiful, the rest are,too.^_^
Submission Name: The Road
